


Flying High

by Birdgirl90



Series: Marvel Reader Inserts [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Smut Eventually, reader is a witch
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-17
Updated: 2019-03-31
Packaged: 2019-06-12 01:06:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 31,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15328368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Birdgirl90/pseuds/Birdgirl90
Summary: "Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss." - Douglas AdamsReader is a witch with powers she doesn't know how to control yet.  When she's brought to the Avengers, she finds company is one who is as lost as she is.  Will they be able to find themselves while reader learns about her magic?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone!
> 
> I'm Birdie and this is my first time writing for Marvel. I've been wanting to write a reader/Loki story for a while after reading so many wonderful ones on here, so I decided it was time. As a practicing witch myself, I wanted to write a witch character who is looking for herself. I really hope you love her as much as I do!
> 
> As I said, I've never written for Marvel before, so please be gentle with me lol. My writing is a little rusty but I'm so happy to be able to jump in and share this story with you.
> 
> Enjoy!

“We’re almost there, Y/N,” Natasha says softly from the front of the black SUV.

She and Clint are driving you to the Avengers Tower, a place you’ll call your new home, and you aren’t sure that they’re making the right choice in asking you to come help them, to join them as one of their own.  You sigh to yourself and try to keep yourself from crying, doubting yourself for the upteenth time and thinking about how you’re going to explain this to your mom. 

The SUV drives up to the door of the tower and you wipe your eyes, brush the bangs from your eyes and run your fingers through your thick long hair.  You give yourself a once over - you’re pretty in a casual way, a little chubby, and you can feel the flush on your face from fighting your tears. All in all though, you feel like you’re presentable, or at least as presentable as a 24 year old witch can be.  You take a deep breath and step out of the car and into the tower with Natasha and Clint, who were already insisting you use their first names, insisting on carrying your broom with you because you just don’t trust anyone else to touch it. If it happens to be a security item, no one is the wiser.

They both turn to you as you step into the elevator, and Clint gives you a grin.

“Ready for the chaos?”

“Um…”

“It’s good chaos, Y/N,” Natasha says, placing a comforting hand on your shoulder for a minute.  “Trust me, you’ll be just fine.”

You nod and decide to trust her, just a bit, reading the sincerity on her small smile.  The elevator dings. You follow the two Avengers down a small hallway and into a generous living room.  It’s the fanciest place you’ve ever seen - soft carpet on the floor, a glass coffee table in the middle of couches and plush chairs, and giant glass windows the size of the walls, showing off the New York skyline, something you’ve never seen before.  You’re so busy taking it in that you fail to see the people around you. Someone touches you on the shoulder, a large warm hand, gentle, and you turn. Thor stands behind you and smiles at you when you blink at him for a moment. Of course you know who the Avengers are, you’ve seen the press conferences, read the interviews in magazines.  But seeing Thor face to face…

“Sorry, I was...I’ve never seen New York before...um, hi?” you manage, flushing.  Thor grins and there are chuckles around the room. You look away from the Asgardian in front of you  (who has dropped his hand at this point) and take it in: Captain America looking at you with a half smile from one of the chairs, Stark standing up to walk over, and on the couch, the reformed Loki sits with a book in his hand.  He looks up from his book, makes eye contact with you, and raises an eyebrow before going back to his book, uninterested.

“Everyone, this is Y/N,” Natasha introduces as Thor goes back to his chair.  All eyes focus on you and you feel the small blush creep across your pale cheeks; you’ve never liked being the center of attention.  You give a tiny wave and try to smile while your stomach flips as if it’s on an upside down roller coaster.

Everyone quickly introduces themselves to you except Loki, who ignores everyone.

“Hey, Y/N,” Captain America tells you.  “Come on over. We’d love to hear your story.”

“We don’t bite,” Stark adds in with a grin.  “Except maybe that one,” he adds as he motions towards Loki, who looks up from his book to roll his eyes.

“Have a seat,” Bruce says, motioning around.

You nod and look at the room.  The only place to sit is next to Loki, so you make your way over carefully and settle at the far end of the couch, away from him.  He glances at you and marks his place in his book, setting it in his lap. You turn away and cross your broom over your body, absently stroking the dark oak length of it.

“Um…” you start, unsure of where to start to be honest.  “My name is Y/N and I’m a witch.” You try to ignore that everyone is watching you with interest and close your eyes so you can calmly tell about yourself.

“I’m 24 years old and before this trip, I lived in New Mexico.  My mother is also a witch, and her mother before her. I’ve been making potions and flying on my broom since I was 15 years old but never found my magic.  I just recently discovered it, or rather, it decided it was time for me to be aware of it. I’ve only just started learning them, at least, I’m trying to; I can make shields apparently when threatened or someone else is threatened. I also accidently shattered all of the windows when I got upset a few months ago.”

That garners a few chuckles and you crack your eyes open to see Loki smiling a little to himself and the others looking at you with fascination.  You choose to leave your eyes open this time.

“It’s like there’s something in me that wants to come out and I don’t know how to use it,” you say, and even you can hear the slight edge of frustration and desperation in the words.  “Shield found me when I stopped an entire commuter bus going off a bridge and into the river; I managed to get it back on the road instead by shields and whatever magic it is that I have while also somehow keeping the pedestrians that were walking that path from getting hit.  I assume they’ve been watching me for a while before that though, every time my magic did something unexplainable - prevented car wrecks, caused damage, that sort of thing. They insisted on me coming here because, I quote: a witch who can’t handle her powers is a danger to herself and others.  Which is probably true.”

When you finish, everyone is looking at you, not unkindly.  You swallow and try to smile.

Questions started and you answer each to your best ability.  Yes, I can fly and it’s one of the things I truly love. No, I don’t have a cat.  No, I don’t eat newts (you shook your head at Stark for asking that one). Yes, I will live longer than mortals as long as I don’t get myself killed.  How long? Probably a good thousand or so years. Yes, I make healing potions, which might be another reason I’m here. No, I haven’t tried healing anyone, I literally just last year found my magic and have yet to figure it out; it’s unpredictable at best.

Finally, you yawn and look at the clock on the far wall.  It’s after midnight and you don’t know how much more you can take talking with everyone.  Cap picks up on it and smiles gently at you.

“Thank you for telling us all of that,” he says kindly and you get the feeling he’s definitely the mom figure for this group of misfits.  “We’re going to help you with your magic, and eventually you’ll get to come on missions with us, as I think your gifts will be valuable. Until then, we would love it if you could make potions for us to take on missions.  You’re free to wander the tower, all we ask is that if you want to go outside, take one of us with you. Tony will set up a press conference for later this week to announce you becoming an Avenger. Does all of that sound agreeable to you?”

You nod.  The Avengers are kinder than you expected, and just by looking around, you can tell they’re ready to embrace you along your journey to find yourself.  A part of you relaxes.

“Welcome to the family, kid,” Clint says with a grin as he pats you on the back.  You can’t help but smile even as a part of you is already homesick.

“Can someone show Y/N to her room?” Stark asks.

“I will.”

The voice is deep velvet with a calming accent.  Everyone turns as Loki stands up. He walks over to you and holds out a hand to help you up.  You cautiously take it, letting go the minute you’re standing up. He starts walking towards the elevator and you carefully follow him.

“I did not expect that,” you hear Stark muse from the living room.

You get on the elevator with Loki and he presses the number for a few floors above you.  He looks at you.

“So uncontrollable magic,” he says softly and you squirm under his gaze.  “Interesting.”

You shrug. 

“I’m still really young yet,” you say quietly.  “My mother told me that I would grow into it and it would pick a strength I have - hers is fire and water control - but I guess for now it’s dangerous.  She said it’s the strongest she’s seen in the family. I just…” you tear your face away from his intense eyes and stare straight ahead. “I don’t know who I am right now.  How am I supposed to do this?”

You don’t know why you confide this to him, and you wipe your eyes.  As you step off the elevator, Loki casually strolls next to you until you stop in front of a generic looking door.  He turns you so you’re looking at him, holding your shoulders lightly.

“None of us know who we are,” he says kindly, softly.  “You’re going to be okay. You don’t have to do this alone.”

As you look into his eyes, you see the sorrows and joys he’s had in his long life, and there’s an odd sense that he’s been hurting a long time.  You give him a small smile.

“Thank you,” you whisper, and he smiles back at you.  He lets go of you.

“Goodnight, Y/N,” he tells you with a small bow before heading to the room across from you.

“Goodnight,” you say quietly after him and open the door to your new home.

  



	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Every day is a journey, and the journey itself is home." ~Matsuo Basho
> 
> You start to settle in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again, lovely readers!
> 
> Chapter 2 is here! I hope you enjoy it!
> 
> I'm going to aim to update once a week from here on out. (:
> 
> ~Birdie

The next morning, you can’t stop staring out your window.  NYC is busy as can be, more than you imagined even though you’ve seen it on TV.  You didn’t sleep well the night before (you never sleep well in unfamiliar places), so you woke up well before dawn.  Watching the sunrise over the tall towers around you is something you think you’ll never get tired of. After watching the world outside for what feels like hours, your stomach grumbles.  

With a sigh, you quickly dress into your favorite black skirt (the one with the lacy edge at the bottom that graces your knees and pocket), a pink tee under a grey hoodie, going for comfort in your own skin.  As you lace up your pink high tops, you decide on a whim to bring your supply kit down. The moving people had been especially careful, and you were pleased that nothing cracked or broke. At last you crack your door open and venture outside as quietly as you can to find the kitchen, kit in hand.

“Isn’t it a little early for witches to be up?” a voice questions when you reach the elevator.

You spin around quickly and nearly bump into Loki.  He smirks at you.

“Um...no?”

“I see,” he says lightly with an eyebrow raised as he presses the button for the elevator.

You both step into the elevator in a minute of silence.  As it slowly descends floors, you clear your throat.

“I couldn’t sleep,” you say quietly.  “So I just decided what’s the point, and got up.”

“Ahh,” Loki says, turning to look at you while you get off the elevator.  “I have had many a nights like that.”

You nod at him and start looking around for the kitchen, trying to find something to eat.     With a sigh and an eye roll, Loki grabs both your shoulders and directs you through the living room, past the dining room, and into the kitchen.  Once there, he drops his hands and moves to lean against the counter, arms crossed as you begin your search for food. Nothing is labeled except for a few boxes of poptarts with Thor’s name written in sharpie.  You stand up on the counter to try to reach the top shelf where you’ve spied some peanut butter granola bars. 

“You can ask for help, you know,” he says disinterestedly, picking you up off the counter and reaching up to get the granola bars for you.  

“You can always ask one of us for things or if you don’t feel like it, there’s JARVIS,” he adds as you unwrap your bar.

“JARVIS?” you ask as you take a bite.

“Stark’s talking AI.  Like this. JARVIS,” he calls.  

“Yes, Mr. Loki?” a voice with a pleasing accent responds from seemingly nowhere.

“Play Immigrant Song at a loud volume in Thor’s room to wake up my oaf of a brother.”

“Very well, sir.”

Loki grins at you.  “Now we wait.”

Not more than a minute later, Thor comes bounding into the kitchen.

“Loki,” he growls.  “I know that was you.”

Loki looks at his nails, no emotion on his face.  “I have no idea what you’re talking about, dear brother.”

“The loud music.  You know exactly what I’m talking about.  I really wish you would stop doing that Brother.”

You laugh quietly to yourself as you finish your granola bar.  Loki glances up at you, looking pleased with himself.

“I was merely showing Miss Y/N how to use JARVIS.” 

Thor shakes his head.  He turns to you and smiles, leaning over to whisper in your ear.  “He knows I hate it when he does that.”

“Joke’s on you Brother,” Thor says loudly, standing up.  It seems his only volume is loud and booming most of the time.  “I happen to like Midgardian music.”

You grin at both of them.  Loki huffs and stalks off to the living room with a muttered “whatever,” a book in his hand that wasn’t there before.  You throw your trash away while Thor puts four poptarts in the toaster, humming to himself, back in his jovial mood. He asks you how you’re doing and you tell him that you’re enjoying being here even though it’s only been 12 hours.  He smiles at you and ruffles your hair before heading into the dining room. When he’s gone, you decide to try something.

“JARVIS?” you ask tentatively.

“Yes, Miss Y/N?”

“Um...Is there a lab I can use to work on some things?”

“Of course, Miss.  Mr. Stark has set you up with your own lab downstairs,” JARVIS responds pleasantly.  “15th floor, second door on the left, lab 22.”

“Thanks JARVIS!” you tell him, a buzz of excitement building in you.  

Your own lab?  You can’t help but smile.  You snag an extra bar from the box Loki had pulled down for you and head to the elevator.  Following the directions from JARVIS, you make your way through a series of clear labs. You’re at yours but before you open the door, you see Bruce in the lab next to you.  You give him a wave and he smiles at you, and on a thought, you knock on his door. He opens it and smiles at you.

“Y/N,” he greets in the calming way of his.  You know what happens when he isn’t calm, and so his state of zen is of no surprise to you.  You can’t help but notice that he’s fidgeting with his hands though, and you hope you’re not making him nervous.

“Hey Dr. Banner,” you say with a smile.  “Looks like we’re lab neighbors!”

“Please, call me Bruce,” he tells you.  “Tony and I work together in here a lot.  It’s nice to see someone else joining us. Tony makes these labs incredibly nice.”

You grin at him.  There’s something about him that puts you at ease and while you’re still shy and nervous here at the Avengers tower, you feel calm here.  You hold out your extra granola bar. 

“Have you eaten?”

“Uh, I, well,” Bruce starts to respond.

You tilt your head and hand him the granola bar, pressing it into his hand.

“Can’t work without brain food,” you tell him with a smile.

He looks at the granola bar, then at you, and gives you a grateful head nod.

“Thanks, Y/N,” he tells you, then motions to his lab.  “I, uh, I gotta get back to…”

You nod, then motion to your lab next door.

“I need to go check out mine,” you tell him.  “I’ll talk to you later!”

You leave Bruce to his work and carry your stuff into yours.  Because it’s clear, you can still see Bruce through the window, and take a moment to watch what he’s doing.  He’s bent over a table, his glasses sliding down his nose, and he’s holding a pair of tweezers that he’s moving very, very slowly.

After a moment you decide you’re done creeping on him and turn to explore your lab.  It’s more than you could have ever hoped for - a center table and two along the walls, bunsen burners and vials in one cabinet, an empty cabinet for finished products, measuring cups and teaspoons in a third cabinet, and in the last cabinet resides all sorts of odds and ends you might need.  A small refrigerator sits in the corner, shelves above it, ready to hold whatever you might need as supplies. Finally, a sink sits near the opposite wall of the one where Bruce is working. You just stare for a minute, overwhelmed. And then you get to work.

After half an hour, your supplies are unpacked.  Jars of herbs and liquids line the shelves above the fridge, the bunsen burner and your mortar and pestle sit on the table in the middle.  You pull down two jars and get started. You find yourself humming as you grind the herbs and heat up the violet liquid, comfortable in your space.  This is what you’ve always liked - working with your hands to create something to help others, working alone. This is how you’ve always done it; this is familiar, this feels of home.

You’re almost finished with the second round of minor healing solutions - ones that will heal minor aches and pains, such as the pain of a cracked rib or just of a major migraine (you suspect you’re going to need to make much stronger ones to heal bones, but the small ones help you get into your groove) - when there’s a pop behind you.  Thinking one of your bottles has cracked - it’s happened before - you turn, preparing to clean up your pristine table. Instead, what greets you is one God of Mischief, sitting on one of the side tables. He grins at you.

“Impressive,” he tells you.  “Your mother taught you well.”

You blush lightly at the compliment before clearing your throat.

“How’d you find me?” you ask, raising an eyebrow.  “And how did you poof into my lab?”

“Magic,” he says simply with a shrug of his shoulders.  “I teleport. It’s one of my many skills as a magic user.  As for how I found you...I remembered the kit you had with you, and logically I decided you were in your lab, once you found it.  So here I am.”

“Uh huh,” you reply.  “Well, you’re just in time for clean up.  So either help, or um, I guess just sit there?”

Loki laughs quietly at this, a pleasing sound that resonates through the air.

“Here, allow me.” 

There’s a flash of green light and with in a moment, all of your utensils are clean and put away.  You glance at him and he just grins.

“Oh,” Loki says as if he nearly forgot.  “I’m supposed to tell you that you’re needed upstairs.”

“Why?”

Loki gives a shrug, and under his mask of fake innocence, you can tell he knows exactly why.  He’s just not telling. You sigh and stick the potions in the fridge; you’ll stock them in the med room later.  Once you’re done, after a moment of indecision, Loki offers you his arm. You take it with a raised eyebrow and allow him to lead you back upstairs to see the rest of the team.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> See you at the next chapter!
> 
> ~Birdie


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves." ~ Henry David Thoreau

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey readers!
> 
> Here we are at chapter 3! I think this is the best chapter I've written so far for this story. I hope you enjoy!
> 
> ~Birdie

“Hey, Y/N.  I hate to tell you this but we’re leaving on a mission,” Cap informs you almost apologetically when you and Loki enter the living room.  Everyone is in their suits and look very official. Bruce is already up here - you hadn’t even seen him leave his lab. “I know you’re not completely settled in…”  

You give Cap a small smile.  “When duty calls...I get it, Cap, don’t worry about it.  Maybe I’ll finish unpacking while you’re gone.”

“Sorry to leave you stuck here with Reindeer Games over there,” Stark adds with a slight frown.  “He’s not coming on this one.”

You nod and glance at Loki.  He’s stalking his way back to his favorite couch, once again ignoring everyone with a book in hand.  He isn’t that bad, you think. You turn to the group again.

“I think that’s okay,” you tell Stark.  “I don’t mind.”

Thor pats you on the back and gives you a hopeful look.  “Hopefully you can keep him out of trouble.”

“I don’t think that’s going to be an issue,” you say with a small laugh.  You haven’t had any indication from Loki that he’s going to be a handful. If anything, it’s going to be a quiet day by the way he’s currently acting.

“I’m sorry we have to leave you,” Cap tells you.  “You’re not allowed to go on missions until we get that magic of yours under control.  We’ll get there,” he promises. 

“Guys, we need to get going,” Natasha says, in the deadpan way of hers, and the guys all start shuffling towards the elevator.  

Stark stops next to you.  “If anything at all starts to go wrong, yell for JARVIS.  He has protocol set up for if he -” he motions towards Loki who calmly turns the page of his book “-gives you any trouble at all.”

You nod.  “Thank you,” you reply.  “Have a good mission!”

The group waves and within minutes they are gone.  You sigh. Loki only glances up at you from his book before returning to it, but you get the feeling he’s much more observant than he seems.  It unsettles you a little and makes you want to squirm. Even while he’s reading, it’s like he can see you and through you.

You turn away from him and decide to run down to the lab to bring your potions up to the medical room.  It’s quiet all the way down and back, and you can’t help but feel a prick of loneliness inside you as you set the potions in the fridge on the med floor.  Once finished, you start pacing across the dining room to the living room to the kitchen and back again. It’s the only thing your body wants to do; you feel like you can’t sit still if you wanted to, and the silence is starting to grate on you.  You contemplate going back to your room and blasting as much loud music as possible to drown out the feelings you’re struggling with, but instead make a different decision.

“Do you want to go do something outside the tower?” you ask Loki without thinking.  You usually go outside a lot, to pick herbs from your mother’s garden for potions and the kitchen, or just sitting beneath one of your favorite trees.  Or, the thing you love the most: riding high in the sky on your broom. The tower is starting to feel a little much already.

Loki holds his left arm up without putting his book down, the sleeve sliding down enough for you to see a thin black bracelet around his wrist.  A green LED light blinks on it.

“House arrest,” he tells you, sounding bored.  “I’m not allowed to leave while the team is on missions.  Otherwise, I would love to go outside.”

“Ahh. If it makes you feel better, I think I’m on house arrest too,” you mumble, toeing the carpet with your shoe.  It’s still early in the day, nearing lunchtime, and you are itching to do something. “I’m not allowed to leave unless someone goes with me.  Captain’s orders. Only I don’t get the fancy bracelet.”

Loki looks up from his book at you.  “Why on earth would you be on house arrest too?  I mean, it’s obvious for me, but you…?”

You sigh.  “It’s because, as I said last night, I can’t control my powers.  They don’t want there to be any accidents or something like that.  Also, I have to be announced at a press conference as a new Avenger or something like that.  I don’t even know.”

Loki nods in understanding.  “Uncontrollable magic is definitely a hazard.  When I was learning growing up, I can’t tell you how many times I caught things on fire because I had no control.  It was distressing, until I caught Thor’s curtains on fire. That time was amusing. He had no idea how to handle the situation - he was shouting and running around trying to figure it out- so Mother had to come in to fix it.”

You laugh a little at that, the thought of a young Loki watching Thor run around like a chicken with his head cut off.  Loki grins at you.

“You can sit down, you know,” he tells you as you fidget in place.  “I don’t bite, contrary to what Stark says.”

You smile at that and at the way he motions to the end of the couch.  Running upstairs, you grab a book and race back down. After a brief hesitation, you sit on the far side of Loki’s couch, a cushion square between you.  You open your book and begin to read, or at least try to.

“I could help you with your magic,” Loki says quietly, and when you look up, his green eyes on you with...kindness in them.  “But I think the Avengers want to see what you can do first.” The last part comes out a slightly bitter. “They like to prod.”

“It’s only fair, I guess. I would really like you teaching me, if you’re sure,” you tell him and he lets out a small hum, tipping his head in agreement.

“It would be no trouble at all,” Loki tells you.  “I can tell just by being around you that you have more magic in you than anyone really suspects.  It’s strong.”

His eyes never leave yours and you flush.  You hold your hands up. “I feel like such a freak to be honest.  I have the ability to make great potions and things, and yet I can’t do anything else useful, and getting upset...Things happen.  I get so angry sometimes about it and it just makes it worse. I don’t even know if I want the magic that just decided to show up, and -”

You see the lights flicker, and Loki looks up before looking back at you.  You look at your hands and take a deep breath. You can’t get more worked up, you can’t let anything bad happen.

“You’re not a freak,” Loki says gently, and takes your hands in his cool ones.  His hands are larger than yours, long tapered fingers that close over your own. “We don’t get to choose who or what we are.  That’s up to the Fates. But we can choose what to do with it.”

You close your eyes for a moment, focusing on the feel of his hands on yours, grounding yourself in the moment as best you can.  When you open your eyes, Loki is still looking at you kindly. Once you’re back on stable ground, he lets go of your hands, and a small part of you mourns the loss of contact, though you aren’t sure why.  

“Thank you,” you whisper, and Loki gives you a small smile. After a brief hesistation, he reaches up and tucks a strand of your hair behind your ear, his touch like a ghost, just gracing the skin of your cheek before quickly dropping again.  You feel the heat in your cheeks and he notices, you know he does. With a satisfied hum, he returns to his book. You pick up your own and settle in for the afternoon, your stomach fluttering just a tiny bit.

 

*******************************************

When the rest of the team arrives back, Stark orders Chinese take out for everyone while you watch Natasha help Clint in, heading for the medical room.  You get up and follow them; Clint doesn’t look too bad but there are definitely some cuts that could use stitches along his forehead and a small limp from something twisted in his leg; you suspect it’s his ankle.

“Do I want to know?” you ask as Natasha helps him up on the table.

Natasha looks at you and Clint groans.  “Don’t tell her, it’s embarrassing.”

The redhead looks at you with a grin.  “We finished and he tripped on some broken concrete and landed on his face while managing to twist his ankle.”

“Tasha…”

You laugh a little and Clint manages a small smile.  “I told you it was embarrassing.”

Natasha goes for a first aid kit and you stop her with a small tap on the shoulder.  She turns and looks at you. You hold out one of the purple potions you made this morning.

“Um, I made this, and it should...it should help.”

Clint reaches for it and you hand it over.  You watch as he drinks it then makes a small face.

“It doesn’t taste that bad,” you mutter.  There are ways to make them taste better, you know there are, but you haven’t tried your magic enough to do it yet.

Within minutes, the effect takes hold.  You and Natasha watch as the cuts on Clint’s head seal up, her face mostly impassive except for a small glint of amazement in her eyes.  Clint touches his head and then rolls his ankle.

“That’s pretty good, kid,” he tells you as he stands up.  “We don’t really have anyone who can help with healing. That was much better than stitches.”

You walk into the living room where everyone is hanging out before dinner arrives.  Clint and Natasha sit down in a chair, and you head over to the couch where Thor and Loki sit.  

“Ah! Y/N! Come sit!” Thor booms, motioning to the seat between him and his brother.  You can’t help but grin at his enthusiasm and squeeze in between them. You’re painfully aware of Loki next to you and Thor’s arm draped behind the back of the couch.  After a moment, you relax and settle in more comfortably.

“Clint, what happened to your face?” Stark asks, standing up and staring at Clint.  “Didn’t you get hurt? I saw you fall!”

Clint grins.  “Y/N gave me a potion she made and everything healed,” he responds, motioning toward you.  

You’re very aware as several pairs of eyes focus on you.  You squirm a moment.

“It was just a very basic one,” you say.  “I can make stronger ones, but I don’t have the supplies currently…”

“That’s impressive, Y/N,” Cap tells you warmly.  “We could use someone who can heal.”

“I don’t know how to heal,” you tell him with your hands up.  “I just make potions…”

“It’s part of it,” Cap replies.  “Thank you for making the potion that healed Clint.”

“Kid, if this is something you can do, you can have whatever you need to keep doing it,” Stark tells you with a grin.  “Just tell JARVIS and he’ll order what you tell him.”

You thank him and are thankfully spared talking about it more by the food showing up.  Before you get off the couch, a soft voice whispers in your ear.

“Imagine what you can do when you learn your magic’s abilities.”

Loki’s words send a shiver down your spine, and leave you a little lightheaded.

Imagine indeed.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Newfound power leads to new perspective." ~ Johnathan Hickman
> 
> Everyone finally gets to see what you can do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Readers!
> 
> Thanks for keeping me company along this trip. Writing a Loki Reader insert is more fun than I thought it would be and I'm really glad to be doing it.
> 
> This chapter has a bit of everything with the main part involving you shattering windows.
> 
> Enjoy!  
> ~Birdie

You spend the next few days finally unpacking your room, trying to get it the way you want it.  SHIELD covered all their bases, and all of your belongings from your apartment are here, carefully packed and filling your room with boxes.  On a few occasions you’ve asked Loki to come help you move bookshelves around which he has with only minimal complaints that are laced with teasing.  Sometimes he just hangs out with you and helps you unpack because he’s bored and enjoys your company. The room Stark gave you is actually a suite - you have a large bedroom that connects to a large bathroom that has a shower and a tub, black and white tiling across the floor.  By the time afternoon hits near the end of the week, when you’re finally happy with your room, you decide you should probably call your mom. Sitting cross legged on your bed and not bothering to close your door (everyone is out doing their own thing, leaving only you and Loki, and knowing him, he’s probably either in his room or rummaging around downstairs for something to do), you pull out your phone.

“Hey mom.”

“Sweetie! I’ve missed you!” her voice comes through, sounding like always, and you didn’t realize you were homesick until this moment.  “Where are you? You missed Sunday dinner and when I called it went to voice mail.”

“You’re actually never going to believe what happened, mom.  The Feds picked me up after the bus incident-”

“Which I’m very proud of you for, by the way,” your mom interjects, making you smile to yourself.

“Thanks.  Well this thing called SHIELD picked me up that night and now I’m with the Avengers,” you finish.

“The Avengers?”  Your mom sounds stunned.

“Yeah.  They’re all really cool,” you respond.  “And they’re taking me on as a member, mom.  Can you actually believe that? At least, I’m helpful in the healing areana.  I don’t actually know if I’m going to be in the group outside of that to be honest.  My potions are more useful than I thought and I was told I could have anything I need to keep making them.”

“I’m really proud of you for that.  Just imagine what you’ll be able to do with them once you have your powers sorted.”

“That’s the other thing...they’re going to help me with them.  You remember Loki being announced as recently working with them?  He’s offered to help me one on one.”

There’s a moment of silence.  “Promise me you’ll be careful,” your mom tells you quietly.  “I’m not sure I like the idea of you being in a place where you could possibly be in danger.”

“I promise I’m being careful,” you assure her.

“I miss you.”

“I miss you too mom.”

After a bit more small talk and your mom telling you her plans for the garden, you finally hang up.  Staring at your phone, you swallow. Your mom has always been one of your biggest supporters, always believing in you.  The distance hurts. You think over her words, about you being in a space where you could get hurt. You haven’t thought about it before, but you realize she’s right - what the Avengers do is dangerous, and even being associated with them could put you in danger.

“You okay, love?”

You jerk your face up and see Loki standing in your doorway, leaning against the wooden frame.  You swallow and wipe your face - you hadn’t realized you were crying. You give him a nod.

“It’s just…my mom and I have always been really close.  It was always just the two of us, so we kinda took care of each other.  I’m okay though. It’s just weird being so far away from her now.”

Loki looks at you as if he’s not entirely convinced that you’re okay.

“So...no father then?” he asks after a moment.  “No siblings?”

Loki hasn’t crept into your room, remaining at the door frame, looking at his nails and back at you.  You wonder if he used to be a nail biter; he picks at them but never bites them currently that you can see.  You shake your head no.

“Dad bailed when I was 10.  Mom says he was too wrapped up in work to notice anyone else.  I was always afraid that she was lonely, so I kind of took it on myself to take care of her - making dinners for when she came home from work, that kind of thing.”  You shrug. “I guess it’s time to take care of myself now.”

Loki mulls this over.  “That it is, I think.” He smiles at your gently.  “Oh, the others are back, and they’ve got what they said is ‘the best pizza in town’,” he makes air quotes as he says the last part and rolls his eyes, and you giggle a bit at the God.  

You crawl off your bed and walk next to him all the way downstairs, falling into a natural rhythm as if you’ve known him your whole life.

 

*********************************

 

You spend most of your time in the living room with the others, but as they are often called away for missions, it’s usually just you and Loki.  The days pass with conversation about any and everything. He’s good company, you decide early on, and being with him makes you feel a lot less lonely.  You’ve started sitting closer to him on the couch, no longer leaving the square cushion between the two of you, and if he happens to drape an arm over the length of the couch so his hand is brushing your shoulder, then so be it.  It was comfortable and you kept telling yourself that it’s just because he’s your best friend that you feel like this. However... you can’t stop the butterflies in your gut when he casually touches you - pushing hair from your face, the time he picked you up so you could reach the granola bars again, the gentle brushes of his arm when he stands too close and you can smell him, cinnamon and winter and balsam wood.

Ridiculous, you tell yourself.  You’re just friends.

 

**********************************

After a month, it’s finally time.  

You stand in the training room, with the group around you on the edges of the walls.  Loki watches you with interest and his hands folded behind his back from the corner. When you make eye contact, he gives you a reassuring smile, and you can’t stop the small echoing smile on your face.  You’re so nervous that your palms are clammy. What if nothing happens? What if they decide you’re useless?

“Alright, Y/N,” Cap says as he stands in front of you, mom voice engaged.  “We just want to see where you are with your magic. There are no expectations.  Just do the best you can.”

You nod, then swallow.  You hold your hands in front of you and try to remember the last few times you’ve done this.  It starts with a finger snap, right? And then you can manipulate it. You take a deep breath and snap your fingers on your right hand.  Nothing happens.

You take another deep breath and force yourself to focus.  There is nothing between you, your fingers, and a shield; the room fades from you.  You try to visualize the shield. Once you think you have it, you snap your fingers again.  There are sparks, blue and indigo, so you snap them again, and again. On the fourth try, something changes.  A small wall of see through blue appears. Without looking away from it, you move it with your open palms. You attempt to stretch it, and it seems to be working, slowly growing larger, until suddenly..

It shatters like glass.

You try again, and this time manage to get the transparent blue to form a larger form.  You decide to try to shape it into a sphere...only to have it shatter again.

A third time...it barely even forms before shattering.

This isn’t right.  Normally it’s not like glass.  Normally it’s like rubber. A growl of frustration falls from your lips, and you go to try again, but you’re painfully aware now that everyone is watching you, and you’re doubting yourself -failure, you shout in your head, failure failure failure - progressively getting more frustrated as you repeatedly snap your fingers.

“She can’t do it again, can she?” you hear Stark mumble and it pushes you over the edge.

The windows of the training room blow out and the lights shatter.  Glass rains down and everyone ducks to try to avoid it. It’s almost like something in you clicks, and next thing you know, you have a huge transparent blue safety dome covering everyone.  In the same instant, a body is wrapped around you that smells like cinnamon and balsam. It’s like everything is frozen for a moment as you just stare at where the light blue is coming from your hands as the shards rain from the heavens in slow motion.  The moment passes and you hear glass hitting the floor. The body around you straightens but refuses to let go of you.

“Whoa,” you whisper as you move your hands for a moment, and as you watch, the shield completely retracts, leaving a soft glow in your hands before it vanishes with a small ‘pop’.

You look up, and realize what you’ve done.  You’re horrified as everyone looks at the debris and then back at you.  You’re light headed and a little dizzy too, and filled with a tiredness that seeps through your bones.  You sway a little and the arms around you tighten just a bit. Looking up, you see Loki looking down at you with curiosity and concern in his emerald eyes.  You sigh and look away.

“Stark, was that final comment really necessary?” Natasha asks as she picks up a piece of glass from the floor.

“Hey, it got her to show us what she can do, didn’t it?  And to not upset her,” he adds with a shrug. “Why am I always the bad guy?”

“Because you don’t know when to shut up,” Cap says in exasperation.

“I’m so sorry I broke the windows,” you start to apologize, your face turning red from embarrassment.  “I don’t know how that happens, I don’t mean to-”

“That was incredible,” Clint says softly and the others agree.  “Don’t be sorry.”

“Do it again,” Stark says, gesturing at you.  “Create a dome like that again.”

“Stark…” Thor growls lowly from his corner and Stark turns.

“What?”

“I...can’t.  I don’t even know how it happened,” you say quietly, confused, trying to work through how the shield formed.

“I have a theory,” Cap says after a moment.  “We were all in danger. You couldn’t get it to work because there was no need for it.  But once the glass broke…”

“It happened,” you finished.  Your stomach rolls at the thought of what could have happened to everyone if the shield didn’t activate.  

“That’s a good starting point,” Cap says.  “If we can test it again-”

“We’ll come back to that later.  Right now, Y/N needs to sleep, eat, and ground.”

Loki’s voice isn’t raised but carries enough power to take charge and leave no room for protest.  Without another word, he leads you out of the training room and up to the living room. You protest as he tucks you under a blanket on the couch, but you’re sleepy and the words don’t come out right.

“Very impressive, darling,” he tells you quietly.  “And now you need to sleep and eat. I’ll start working with you tomorrow, if you would like.”

You nod and proceed to pass out from exhaustion. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Magic is believing in yourself, if you can do that, you can make anything happen." ~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
> 
> Reader starts working on her magic and an unwelcome visitor makes an appearance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi Readers!
> 
> I hope you enjoy the chapter! I had a lot of fun writing it. (:
> 
> ~Birdie

“Focus, Y/N.  Try to feel how your seidr flows in your veins.  Imagine seeing it.”

Sitting on the couch with Loki in the library, you try to focus once more on your hands.  You look at them and then close your eyes again. You definitely feel something in you; it’s warm and smooth, almost like a river on a calm day.  You imagine watching it - it’s blue for sure, you decide, a light blue - run through you. Through your feet, up through your body until it reaches the crown of your head, and runs back down to your feet again.

“I feel it,” you mumble to Loki.  “It’s there. It’s tingly.”

“Good,” he tells you, a smile in his voice.  “Now I want you to visualize it gathering in your palms.  Cup your palms so they are facing each other, like you’re about to hold a ball between them.”

As he speaks, you cup your palms and feel your energy in them.  They start to burn a little, feeling hot. You want to open your eyes, but keep them shut, knowing Loki told you to close them for a reason.

“Excellent, you’re a natural learner,” Loki praises you in a gentle voice.  “Now see if you can form a ball between your palms. Imagine how big or small it is, the smoothness of it. Shape it.”

You push your energy through your palms, imagining it forming a mid sized blue ball.  You visualizing how it would look, how it would feel. Something shifts in you, you can feel it, and you feel a bit light headed.

“Open your eyes.”

You do, and let out a gasp.  Sure enough, you’re holding the blue ball of energy right in your hands.  It sparks a little as you watch it. When you look up for a quick moment, a grin across your face, Loki grins back at you, his eyes alight with pride and...something else that you aren’t sure you’re ready to identify.  Your heart flutters a bit in your chest and your orb sparks again. You quickly look down at it and focus on trying to smooth it out.

“This is incredible,” you whisper as you experiment moving it from hand to hand.

“The more you practice, the easier it gets until it comes without effort,” Loki tells you, pulling up his own hand with a green glowing orb; he vanishes it after you watch for a moment.

Suddenly there are footsteps behind the couch and Stark’s voice greets you as he looks over the edge. 

“Sorry for the interruption Reindeer Games - nice glowing sphere thing, Y/N - but I just scheduled a press conference for tomorrow and I need you both to know.  You’ll both be there, of course, and we’re going to announce you as part of the team, Y/N.”

You nod and suddenly your orb pops like a bubble.  You frown at where it once was, before looking up at Stark.  Loki waves dismissively at Stark, a little frustration in the motion.

“Go away, Stark, you’re ruining Y/N’s hard work.”

Stark holds his hands up.  “Alright, alright, I’m leaving, geez.  Oh, one more thing. Y/N, we’re announcing you as Miracle.”

“Miracle?” you question, one of your eyebrows raising - a trait you’ve picked up from Loki and spending so much time with him.  “Why that?”

“Your potions are incredible and have saved us a lot of effort with healing,” Stark tells you.  “You work miracles. And once you get this down, you’ll be able to bring those to the field on missions.  It’s fitting. Alright, have fun magicking or whatever it is you kids are doing,” he yells as he moves down the hallway and out of the room.

“Miracle,” you mumble to yourself.  

“A fitting name,” Loki says softly, and reaches over to you, touching your hand gently.  “Your potions are very impressive. You did wonderfully this session, little alchemist; I’m impressed with how quickly you’re picking this up.”

“Thanks, Chaos,” you tell him, a smile on your face.

A feeling of pride starts to grow in your stomach and you beam at him.  Maybe everyone is right and it’s time to stop doubting yourself.

 

*********************************

 

“What am I supposed to do during this again?” you ask as Clint cleans up your hair, brushing out the long, thick waves and framing them around your face.  You usually do your own makeup, but today Natasha and Clint were going above and beyond getting you ready. Nat had done dramatic eyes - dark eyeliner and sparkly eyeshadow, a deep wine color on your lips.  When handed the mirror, you almost can’t believe that you’re looking at yourself. “This is definitely a look I could get used to,” you say quietly to yourself, and Nat lets out a small laugh.

“All you have to do is stand there and look mysterious,” she tells you with a grin.  “Stark will do all the talking today. It’s scripted, so hopefully he won’t go off the rails.”

The three of you walk downstairs to join the others.  You spy Loki across the room and suddenly you feel warm as you realize how truly handsome he is; he’s wearing a suit, tailored just for him, black with a green tie, and you bite your lip.  This is not how you want to feel right now. No crushes, you try to tell yourself. The moment his eyes meet yours, he’s walking over and you swallow.

“You look lovely, darling,” Loki tells you and you grin at him.  You give a small twirl in the sleek dress they dressed you in. Suddenly your hand is in his and he twirls you a second time, making you giggle.  “Are you ready for this?”

You sober up a little as you remember why you’re dressed up and give a little nod.

“Are you?”

Loki laughs.  He gently drops your hand and smiles at you.  

“These conferences are so terribly boring,” he tells you with dramatically as you all walk out to the SUVs that are waiting to take you to the location of the conference.  “All you do is stand there while whatever business that needs to be talked about is talked about. They get old.”

You hum a response as he casually opens the door for you.  Yup, you can’t deny it. You definitely have a crush on the guy.  It makes your heart leap to your throat and you really hope he doesn’t catch the slight blush on your face.  He smirks at you and you know he did anyway.

Once you reach the site of the conference, you’re led up on stage next to the podium.  The room is packed with reporters in fancy outfits, and there are flashing lights everywhere as Stark talks.  You wave once while you’re introduced, eyes scanning over the crowd. There’s a man in the very back with a shaved head under a hat and wearing some sort of security uniform; you’ve never seen him before in your life but he keeps staring at you, so intensely that you feel queasy.  Behind you, you hear Cap and Nat whispering furiously back and forth. You can only make out bits and pieces of what they’re saying, but apparently they’ve never seen the man before either. Suddenly a large hand is on your shoulder; when you look over, Loki is staring into the crowd intently.  He glances down at you, and when you both look up, the man in the hat is gone.

 

*******************************

“So...is there anything I need to be worried about after that conference?” you ask once all of you are in the tower eating dinner.  Everyone was tense but they were doing their best not to show it. “I saw the weird guy in the hat. Was he just standard security?”

“No,” Cap says as he moves his chopsticks through his box of chinese.  “He wasn’t. His uniform was wrong to be an employee of Stark.”

“Hmm,” you mumble, a weird unsettled feeling forming in your gut as you remember how intently he was staring at you.

“Nat got some pictures of him though that she’s going to run through facial recognition,” Cap tells you, trying to be reassuring.  “It might be nothing. Better safe to check though.”

You nod at him and go back to your food until you remember something.

“Unrelated, Mr. Stark, I was wondering if I could ask for something?” you ask Stark across the table.

“Sure kiddo, what’s up?  Also, please call me Tony, we know each other well enough by now.”

“Ok...Tony.  Um, I was wondering...can I turn the rooftop into a garden?”

He looks up at you.  “What do you need a garden for?”

“Because she’s a witch who works in a lab, Stark,” Natasha replies, sounding bored.  You’ve noticed she’s been looking at a Stark device on her wrist for the past ten minutes.  Holographic images pop up from it, small enough for only her to really see them. She keeps swiping left and right.  “She needs fresh stuff for her potions.”

You nod.

“I uh, I have plans drawn up that I did yesterday if you’d like to see them,” you offer.

“Nah, I’m sure it’s fine kid,” Stark - no, Tony - tells you with a wave of his hand.  “Consider the space yours; it could use some sprucing up anyway. Whatever you need for it, just tell JARVIS and he’ll order it for you, the rest of us can help you take it to the roof.”

You grin happily.  “Thank you so much!  You won’t regret it, I promise Mr S- Tony.”  You move around the table to give him a hug which he grumbles about but you know he secretly loves.  

Dinner relaxes after that.

Eventually the group migrates to the living room for some quiet time.  Clint and Thor play a video game together, with Thor cheering loudly when he wins.  Natasha is still looking at her Stark device, and Bruce is calmly watching Thor and Clint with interest.  You settle on the couch on the far side next to Loki, who is, unsurprisingly, reading. You stretch and put your feet next to him; he reaches over and grabs them, placing them in his lap so you can stretch the rest of the way out, without even looking up from his book.  

Everything is quiet until Natasha breaks the silence.

“Guys, we’ve got a problem.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who is the mystery man and why does he want you?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Readers!
> 
> I just realized these chapters are fairly short. Sorry about that! But short chapters mean more updates and gives me a chance to really convey what I want to convey.  
> Also I won't be posting quotes as chapter summaries anymore. I'm struggling to find quotes to sum everything up lol.
> 
> I hope you all enjoy this chapter! (:  
> ~Birdie

“His name is David Schmidt and he’s a mercenary for hire,” Nat tells the group as they gather around the table in the dining room.  She pulls up pictures of the man and his records on one of Tony’s devices that projects images. “He was last known to be working as a muscle man for a banking business, but that’s just a cover up.  Look and tell me what you see.”

She zooms in on the picture she had managed to discreetly take with her watch at the press conference earlier today.  You lean forward to get a good look at him. That’s when you notice something on the sleeve of his jacket: a red octopus.

“He’s working for Hydra,” Cap says aloud.  “Why was he at this press conference? Better yet, how did he manage to break through your security?”

He directs the last question to Tony.  Tony looks upset his eyebrows scrunched together.  He starts to pace.

“I don’t know,” he replies, frustration coloring his voice.  “I had all my best security in place for this. I’ll have to have a conversation with JARVIS.  Maybe he knows. The only reason he would have been there was if he was following someone…”

“He was watching Y/N’s every move,” Loki says, low and dangerous, his arm wrapping around your waist, pulling you into him.  “Stark, if you can’t protect her…”

“Maybe it was just a weird coincidence?” you offer quietly, hoping that your answer is the right answer.

Everyone turns and looks at you.

“Kid, we don’t get coincidences like this,” Clint tells you gently.  “We’re the Avengers. Hydra agents don’t just show up on whims.”

“But we don’t know he’s after me, right?” you ask, almost pleading.  “Like maybe I just looked nice?”

Nat looks at you kindly.  

“Y/N, I know you don’t want to be a target, but...” she says quietly.  “The evidence looks like he came solely to watch you. But I promise, no matter what he’s up to and what Hydra is doing, we’ll figure it out and stop them.  You have nothing to worry about.”

You sway a moment on your feet at the fact that someone is after you, and Loki tightens his grip.  He leans down to whisper in your ear.

“I swear I won’t let anyone hurt you.”

 

**********

That night you have one of the worst nightmares that you’ve had in a very long time.  The man, Schmidt, follows you through deep streets and ally after ally. You try to get away and run as hard as you can, your heart racing.  You see the Avengers in their outfits, standing on a hill. You cry out to them but your throat is dry and nothing comes out except a whisper of desperation.  You start running towards them, and you think they’re running towards you to help you, but everything is in slow motion. Your legs are suddenly useless, locked in what feels like molasses and you’re painfully aware of the man following you.  Another man shows up next to him, faceless and menacing, and you are trapped. The Avengers are too slow. Everyone is too slow except the men behind you, one with a knife the other with a gun. The faceless man grabs you by the arm and pins you to a wall.  You feel the cold brick against your back, the tightness around your throat where he’s caught you. The one you recognize pulls a knife and holds it to you. “Come, little girl,” he says in a deep dark voice. “And this will be so much easier.” You nod and just as you’re about to walk with them - 

You wake up shaking in a cold sweat.  Glancing at your clock, you groan; it’s 12am.  You wipe your forehead. You can’t breathe, adrenaline racing through your system.  You’re light headed as you stand up on unsteady feet. With a trembling hand, you touch your room’s door knob and you start walking, not knowing where you’re going until you wind up in front of a door.  Loki’s room, you realize. There’s a soft glow coming from the bottom of the door, indicating he’s still up. Or he sleeps with the light on, but he’s not the kind of guy you really imagine doing that.

You take a deep breath and knock once.  He may think you’re crazy, but he’s also your best friend in the tower and if anyone can calm you down, it’s him.  Nothing happens after your initial knock, so you try again.

Slowly the door creeps open and he sticks his head out the door.  When Loki realizes it’s you, he opens the door wider. He’s wearing comfortable clothes, a tunic and loose pants, and you realize you’re staring.

“Shouldn’t you be in bed, darling?” Loki asks, raising an eyebrow.

“I had a nightmare,” you mumble, averting his gaze.  “And I was wondering...if I...could maybe hang out with you until I calm down?”

Loki reaches out and grabs your hand, guiding you into his room.  You’ve only been in here once before - when he was getting a book for you  and you were tagging along - but it’s the same as you remember - green sheets on the bed, bookshelves filled to overflowing along the walls, the room cooler than the rest of the tower.  Once you’re inside, he opens his arms to offer a hug awkwardly. You gladly walk into it, wrapping your arms around his waist as he pats your back, not sure what to really do but knowing that you require assurance.

You smile into his chest as he wraps one arm around your waist and strokes your hair with his other hand, resting his chin on top of your head.  You aren’t sure how long you stand like that, but you can feel your heart slowing down to a normal rate and your shivers stop. At last he pulls away.  When you look at him, Loki’s eyes are gentle and soft, filled with kindness and...you stop yourself from going there. He smiles at you and runs a hand through your hair again.

“Tell me, love, what was your nightmare?”

Loki motions to the bed and you perch on the side of it, pulling your knees to your chest and wrap your arms around them.  He comes and sits next to you. You begin to tell him everything in your dream, how afraid you were and the panic and how real it felt.  He listens to you, not interrupting, and when you finally finish, there are tears in your eyes. Loki tucks a strand of hair behind your ear, his fingers ghosting over your cheek.

“I get nightmares too,” he says gently.  “That’s why I stay up late sometimes. Just remember: they’re only dreams.”

He stands up and picks up a book before returning to the bed.  He opens the covers on the half you’re sitting on before stretching out on the other side.  He pats the bed.

“C’mon darling, I’m not going to bite you.”

There’s something comforting about his presence and so you do as you’re told and crawl under the covers - they’re soft and you feel incredibly cozy.  You go to lean your head on the pillow and Loki instead reaches out an arm, inviting you closer. This is the most physical he’s been, though while gradually warming up to you he’s become a lot better about physical contact, even letting you nap on his shoulder the other day.  Tentatively you scoot over so your head is lying on his chest and the blankets are wrapped around your chin. He wraps his arm around you, holding the book in his other hand.

Loki starts to read to you, his lilting accent and velvety voice lulling you to sleep.

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Readers!  
> Here we are at Chapter 7. I hope you enjoy it!  
> ~Birdie

Your plants finally come in.  You ordered them like a week ago and have been waiting impatiently for this moment to come.  The moment to make your own space; a place where you can go to regroup. Tony went above and beyond for you, installing a water source so you can water your garden, adding awnings that can be extended to cover the roof when it’s too hot for the plants.

Currently you have Thor and Cap helping you move all the potted plants around on the roof.  Loki’s here too, but he’s staying in the shade by the door, arms crossed, watching. You get the feeling he doesn’t like the heat, but it’s inevitable as it’s near the end of summer and the sun is giving it’s all.  Wearing the leather and metal he usually does most likely doesn’t help, but damn if it didn’t look good on the guy.

“Thanks guys for helping me,” you tell them as Thor moves the large container of lavender to the corner of the roof.  “I really appreciate it.”

“No problem,” Cap says, wiping sweat off his forehead.  “How does it look?”

You gaze along the rows of plants and flowers.  It smells like your mother’s garden, the one you grew up in, the one you helped take care of.  The one where you learned the different properties of each petal and leaf. You close your eyes and for a moment you feel like your a child again, safe and protected.  You open your eyes again, surprised to find them filled with salt water.

“It’s perfect,” you whisper.  “Thank you.”

Cap gives you a smile and Thor claps his hand on your shoulder as they head down the stairs.  It’s so quiet, a breeze blowing that cools it down just enough to be comfortable. You forget you’re not alone until Loki walks over.

“It’s a nice garden,” he says quietly.  “Very colorful.”

“It’s just like home,” you tell him as tears run down your face.  You try to wipe them away. “Mom...mom taught me everything I know about potion making.  We used to spend hours in our garden together. I’ve always felt safe there. It’s been hard being away.  And now…”

“Now you have your own,” Loki finishes for you and you nod.  When you turn to look at him, he smiles at you, a genuine one that he only ever gives to you, a smile no one else gets to see.  Your heart flutters as he reaches up and carefully cups your face, using his thumb to wipe away the last of your tears.

“Frigga, my mother, has huge gardens in Asgard.  As a child, I would hide there to escape the ridicule of other children.  Learning magic is not a common practice for males on Asgard so I was often teased as I grew up,” Loki tells you quietly.  “I still miss those gardens. She would be proud of yours.” 

His hand still cups your face, and you’re vaguely aware of his other hand wrapping around your waist.  You shiver but not from the warm breeze or fear. You think about the nights spent talking with him, how he’s gradually started opening up to you, and how comfortable you’ve become in his presence - the little touches when you’re on the couch, the hand brushing when you practice your magic with him, reading in his room or just talking about nothing while sitting on his bed.  You remember his words from nights ago, vowing to never let anything hurt you. All of it mixes up in your head. 

You’ve fallen for him.

Fuck.

Loki’s  hand moves to cradle the back of your head.  His emerald eyes pierce into yours, gentle and full of desire, and it causes so many butterflies in your stomach that you can feel them moving into your throat.  He leans down, so close you can feel his breath ghost your lips. You hold your breath for a moment before you lift up to close the distance - 

“Y/N, we forgot one!”

You both break away, Loki dropping his arms from your face as Thor’s booming voice calls for you.  Disappointment runs through you, you were so close to feeling his lips on yours. Thor stands before you, holding a small basil plant.  Loki looks bored and you try to act casual even though your heart is beating as if you ran an entire marathon. Thor grins.

“Oh hey Thor,” you greet as steady as you can.  “Thanks for bringing that up. I’ll take it.”

You walk over and take the small potted plant.  Thor winks at you, making you blush because he definitely saw what was going on between you and Loki.  He makes his way to Loki as you head towards your herb section on the other side of the roof to set the pot down.  You start to head back and see Thor clasp Loki on the back.

“You have done well, brother,” you hear because Thor still hasn’t managed a quiet voice just yet.  “Y/N is special, she’s kind and smart. Treat her as such.”

“Go away, Thor.”

You announce your presence with a clear of your throat.  Both brothers turn and look at you. Thor grins yet again and releases his grasp on Loki.  

“You should both really come inside.  At this rate, Loki is going to melt,” he says jokingly but with an undercurrent of truth.  You remember Loki telling you briefly that he’s a frost giant, but he never elaborated and seemed eager to close the topic, so you aren’t sure if Thor is referring to that or what.  Regardless, Loki rolls his eyes and follows Thor downstairs, leaving you alone on the roof with your thoughts.

 

**********

You’re in your lab the next morning, reading through a potions book - well, it’s more like a encyclopedia of herbs, spells, and potions - while one God of Mischief leans on the counter on the opposite side of the room, playing with a green ball of light.  He tosses it back and forth and back and forth and back and forth and-

“Chaos, as much as I enjoy your company, you’re starting to get on my nerves while you do that.  I can’t concentrate,” you groan as you glance over to him again. He raises an eyebrow.

“But I’m bored.”

“If you’re bored, why don’t you go upstairs or train or something?” you suggest.

Loki rolls his eyes.

“Because then I would have to deal with Rogers and the widow, and I don’t fancy doing that,” he tells you matter of factly.  “I like being around you more. I like watching you work.”

You shake your head at that - you think of the almost kiss and realize you do like having him around.  He’s just being so goddamn annoying right now.

“Well, you can stay but I need you to stop.  Oh!”

The idea hits you.  You close the book and walk over towards one of your cabinets.  Leaning down, you pull out a book of alchemy, filled with fictional stories of man’s quest to make gold and other experiments gone wrong that if you read between the lines, there are potions that actually work sprinkled within.  You hand it to him and he takes it, curiosity on his face.

“Here, try this one,” you say.   

Loki takes the book and leans back against the counter to start reading.  You go back to what you were looking at. There are a few potions and other things you can make that might be helpful on missions (even though you still can’t go on them, you grump to yourself) besides the obvious healing ones.  You find one that looks particularly interesting and start looking for ingredients. You have almost all of them but let out a huge sigh of frustration. Loki looks up at you from his book.

“What’s the matter, little alchemist?” he asks as you run your fingers through your hair, annoyed.

“There’s this one I want to do,” you tell him.  “And I’m missing a key ingredient. JARVIS, were we able to order wolfsbane when we ordered everything else?  I didn’t see any up there…”

Loki looks at you curiously.

“No, Miss Y/N, unfortunately we were unable to,” comes JARVIS’s reply.  You bite your lip.

“JARVIS, do you know where Natasha is by chance?”

“Miss Romanoff is in the living room.”

“Thanks JARVIS.”

“What, pray tell, does a healer need with wolfsbane?” Loki asks, almost concerned that you need it as you file your book away.

You motion to him and start walking out the door.  When he wraps an arm loosely around your waist, you sigh, his hand on your side welcome.  You head towards the elevator and punch the button for the main floor. Loki continues to wait patiently for you to respond.

“Because,” you tell him with a half grin.  “Not all witches play nice all the time.”

He scrunches his face a little at that and then grins.

“Just when I think I’ve got you mostly figured out, you always turn around and surprise me.”

He kisses the top of your head and you flush, a part of you still wondering how his lips would feel on yours.  You could just kiss him now, here in the elevator...you’re pretty sure he wouldn’t mind...

“You’re ridiculous,” you mutter instead as the doors open and you start walking towards the living room.  

Loki just chuckles.  He drops his hand from you as you enter the living room and heads towards the couch, pulling out the book you handed him in the lab to start reading.  You scan the room and find Natasha in the corner polishing one of her knives that she carries.

“Natasha,” you say quietly as you walk over to her.  She looks up from her knife and smiles at you. 

“What’s up, Y/N?”

“I was wondering...I need wolfsbane among a few other...not pleasant plants.  You wouldn’t happen to know where I could get some?” you ask in a hushed voice.  Loki looks up from his book and you know he’s eavesdropping.

Natasha’s smile turns into a wicked grin and she sticks the knife in her boot.

“I know just the place,” she tells you quietly, standing up.  “Do you want to go now? Because we can do that.”

You smile at her.  This is going to be an adventure, you can already tell.

Loki perks up. 

“I can come too, if you’d like,” he says, setting his book down.  “I have an idea of where you’re going and the thought of you there does not bode well with me.”

Natasha rolls her eyes.

“Are you implying we can’t do this?” she asks, an edge of danger in her voice.

“Of course not,” Loki replies, walking over.  “I’m merely suggesting that the bigger the group, the safer we are.”

“Alright, as long as it’s okay with Y/N,” she says with a sigh.  You nod in agreement; he’s more than welcome to come.

And with that, the three of you head out the door to whatever seedy place Natasha is taking you.  

You really hope it’s worth it.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there Readers!  
> Things are starting to get interesting as the group travels to the less savory of places.  
> Enjoy!  
> ~Birdie

Looking out the car window, you immediately know why Loki wanted to come with you.  It is most definitely the less savory part of town. Strip clubs and businesses with bars over their windows line the road.  Some women in high heels and glitter stand at the street corner, talking to a man in a wealthy looking car before one of them gets in and he drives away.  You don’t want to stereotype at all, but this is a rough place. You’re very glad to have both Natasha and Loki with you. As you fiddle with your hands, Loki takes one in his cool one and runs his fingers over your knuckles, his eyes never leaving the passing streets.

At last Natasha pulls into a spot in a public parking lot.  You get out and the air smells industrial almost. The sun is almost gone, painting the sky a deep red full of smog as you look around at all the rundown shops.  You can’t help but notice that the black SUV you drove here stands out among the rough looking cars. Natasha locks the car and you see Loki mumble something under his breath, his lips moving silently as he absently waves his hand towards the car.  He still hasn’t let go of your hand, his skin smooth against yours, long fingers interlocking your own tapered ones.

“It’s a few blocks this way,” Natasha tells you, a half smile on her face.  “It shouldn’t take long to get there and get what you need.”

You nod at her, your body a bundle of nerves.  Loki squeezes your hand reassuringly. He bends down.

“As I said before, I won’t let anything happen to you,” he whispers in your ear before standing straight again.

You give him a smile as you start to walk behind Natasha.  The building she brings you to is run down: the grey paint is chipping off the walls, there are bars over the windows, the door looks like it’s been kicked down before, and the blinds are closed.  She walks up to it and taps three times. The door opens a crack and a short old woman with grey hair, glasses that magnify her eyes to look like saucers, and wrinkles all over her face sticks her head out.  After a few hushed words, she opens the door wide and Natasha beckons you in.

Inside you are completely lost for words.  It’s musty, like an old used bookstore in a water spotted hole in the wall, mixed with sweet scents and the undertone of musk.  The walls are crammed with bottles and plants and mixtures. A small case holds tiny vials of orange and green and clear liquids.  You let go of Loki and lean down, trying to see what they are, when a craggy voice interrupts you, making you jump.

“Poisons for every occasion, my dear.”

You stand up and the old woman is looking at you through her great owlish eyes; she grins at you and you can see she’s missing some of her yellowed teeth.  You smile back, uneasy. Natasha walks over and smiles at you.

“Y/N, this is Maryanna,” she introduces.  “Maryanna, this is Y/N. Maryanna helps me restock on some of my...mission supplies.”

“Ahhh,” you say, then remember your manners and hold out your hand.  “It’s a pleasure to me you.”

“The pleasure is mine, dearie.  Now what can I help you with?”

You bring yourself back to the present, remembering your list.

“Um, I need wolfsbane and hemlock and…”

As you list off the herbs and plants, she writes it all down on a pad of paper.  When you finish, she nods at you and ducks into a back room. While she’s gone, you decide to look around.  Loki seems incredibly preoccupied staring at some jagged daggers displayed behind another counter while Natasha just looks bored; you get the feeling she’s been here many times before.  At last, Maryanna comes back with several bags of plants for you to replant and grow; you notice she’s wearing gloves. She peels them off so she can ring you out, then rattles out a figure.

You reach into your bag to grab your wallet but before you can, a nimble hand presents a credit card.  You look up and Loki looks down at you with a grin. You sigh but let it slide. When everything is taken care of and Maryanna wishes you a good night, your hands are full of bags.  

“Allow me, my lady,” Loki says as he plucks a few bags from your arms in a mock bow.

“I thought carrying things was beneath you, my prince,” you tease, a grin on your face that he mirrors.

“Ah, but not for fair maidens such as yourself,” he teases back.

“I am honored, your majesty.”

“Alright, if you two are done flirting, I’d really like to get back to the car,” Natasha says behind you; you turn in time to see her rolling her eyes.

You start to protest when Loki freezes and holds an arm out to stop you.  Natasha creeps up and you hear the clicking of her gun. You tense and look around.  Just as you’re about to ask what’s going on, you see him. Bald head, jacket, sunglasses even though it’s now dark; Schmidt  He leans on the edge of a building across the street from you, his gaze following you. Loki growls and changes into his battle armor at the blink of an eye.

“Loki,” Natasha says quietly with an edge in her voice.  

Danger floods off Loki in waves, and he stares at the man across the street with steel in his green eyes.  This is not good, you know it’s not. The man across the street is as good as dead.

“Keep Y/N here,” he hisses, and then he’s gone, teleported across the road, visibly startling the mercenary for hire.  Nat sighs, pulls the knife out of her boot that she was polishing earlier and looks at you. You’re shaking at this point.

“Do you have the energy to head over there or do you want to go back to the car?”

“I want to know what he has to say,” you tell Natasha, straightening your back.  “I think I deserve that.”

Together you run across the road, bags left on the sidewalk forgotten.  Your pulse is ringing in your ears and you can feel each pump of your heart as you slow, your hands clammy.  Natasha beckons you to keep a safe distance, but one close enough to hear, and you watch from the corner while Loki holds Schmidt against the wall by his throat.  On the surface it’s as though he’s not upset at all, but his whole body carries a current of menace. Nat walks over to him. He turns to her, then sees you, and snarls at Natasha, never letting go of his captive.

“You were supposed to take her to the car, somewhere safe,” Loki snaps, venom in his voice.  Nat just stares him down calmly.

“Y/N deserves to know why she’s being followed,” she replies calmly.  “She’s not in danger at the moment. Let her have this.”

Loki looks at you and softens slightly.  He motions for you to come a little closer.

“Why are you following me?” you ask as Loki continues to hold the man to the wall by the throat.  “What do you want?”

“Why would I tell you, little girl?” Schmidt asks in a German accent.  “It needs not concern you.”

You frown at him, his response making you uneasy, and open your mouth to explain that you’re pretty sure it is your business since you’re apparently the one they want, but are cut off by Loki.

“Tell me who sent you and why are you after Y/N,” Loki says pleasantly.  “And this will be much better for you”

Schmit laughs a little, the sound cut off by Loki squeezing his throat a little.

“If you tell us, I’ll have him stop,” Natasha says equally pleasant.  “We can put you in a cell instead of you being strangled.”

Loki tightens his grasp just a little more, casually tossing a dagger that appears out of nowhere in his other hand.  Schmidt gasps, then grins and chokes out a laugh as he realizes he’s either going to be interrogated by the rest of the Avengers in a cell or die here at the hands of people who are after him.  You can see it in his face that he’s made his decision.

“The girl,” he manages around Loki’s hand as his glassy eyes meet yours, sending shivers down your spine.  “The girl...she is special.”

He looks back at Loki, sheer hate in his eyes and grins.  

“Hail Hydra.”

Then he bites a cyanide pill hidden in his teeth.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy dear Readers! What does Hydra want and why are they intent on our lovely reader?  
> Only time will tell...  
> See you at the next chapter!  
> ~Birdie


	9. Chapter 9

“And then he killed himself, cyanide pill.”

Cap rubs his face and lets out a deep sigh as Natasha finishes the story of what happened when you found Schmit earlier in the night.  You’re standing in the kitchen of all places to have this meeting, but you really don’t care because there are more pressing issues than where the hell the meeting is.  Beside you, Loki stands with his arm wrapped around your shoulders, protective and frustrated at the same time.

“They’ll only send more,” Nat (you’ve finally been a friend long enough to call her that) tells the group.  “That’s how Hydra works; cut off one head and-”

“Two more grow in its place,” Clint finishes flatly from his perch on the counter.

“Fuck,” you mutter.  Raising your voice a little, you say “Does this mean they’re going to keep coming after me?”

Loki tightens his arm around you, pursing his lips as Tony gives a shrug, pacing around the room while fidgeting on some gadget or other in his hands.

“Probably, kid,” he says casually, as if this sort of thing happens all the time, not even looking up.  Which it might happen a lot, you realize, but his blow off of the seriousness makes you frown. It does nothing to help the sweat forming on your palms.

“Stark,” Loki hisses in warning, his voice like ice.

“What?” Tony says as he keeps pacing the kitchen, working on the item in his hand.  “It’s true Reindeer Games, and you know it. Hydra is always going to be out there.”

Loki growls at this answer and you look up to see him glaring Tony down with steel in his eyes.  He looks down at you and his expression softens a bit. You can see the worry in his face though as he tries to hide it.  He tucks a strand of hair behind your ear with his free hand, and it makes your stomach do that weird thing again. He turns back to the group.

“This is not something to be taken lightly,” Loki says, voice dangerous.

“Alright, alright,” Tony says, looking up from his fiddling and looking around the table.  “I apologize for what I said even though it’s true.”

You roll your eyes.

“Why are they after me though, of all people?” you ask, looking at the group.  You wring your hands in your lap, anxiety filling you. You don’t like that Hydra is after you, you don’t like knowing they want you even when you can’t figure out why.  You’re not really special...

“That’s a valid question,” Clint says, a curious note in his voice.

You look around to find everyone staring at you, scanning and staring and searching for something they might have missed before.  It makes you flush and so you turn your head down. 

You start going through your skills in your head.  You can make shields a lot better now and Loki’s been training your magic more so you can actually shoot some of it out of your fingers in balls of blue light as a weapon, but you’re not very good at that part yet.  You’ve been learning how to defend yourself with Nat, through combat training with daggers and fists and feet and are clumsy at best. You’ve not been allowed on missions. The only things you really do are protect and heal people in the med bay with potions and herbs and stitches.

“I feel useless,” you mumble in the heavy silence.  “Why the fuck would they want me?”

“You’re not useless,” Cap says quickly.  “Without you in med bay, who knows how many times we would have been in trouble.  Take Clint for example. He’s a klutz.”

“It wasn’t my fault that I misstepped and got shot in the side,” Clint mutters, cleaning his arrows.  The group laughs.

“True I make potions,” you say matter of factly.  “Anyone can learn that with practice. I can fight but not well.  You guys won’t let me go out on missions and I can’t say I blame you because what’s the use of a dead weight you have to worry about.  Nat is great with stitches and things. I…”

Your voice is shaky and you can feel the tears in your eyes, though you do your best to swallow them down.  Voices around you try to assure you that you’re part of the team and no one thinks you’re useless, but you can barely hear them as the blood rushes your ears.

“I have to go,” you say suddenly, overwhelmed by everything.  You stand up and move out of your chair. Loki stands to the side so you can move past him, worry in his eyes.

“Sorry,” you mumble as you leave the table.

And then you find yourself all but running as you punch the elevator and go downstairs to the training room.  

 

*************************** 

You stand in the center of the training room; you can feel the frustration and agitation and fear all mixing together.  You close yourself to try to ground yourself even a little before opening your eyes again. Your emotions have always affected your magic and so you channel everything you’re feeling.  You move to the dummies, glad they’ve been magicked to stay in one piece because this may not end well.

You hold your hands out and feel the charge of your blue energy.  The hairs on the back of your neck stand up on end from it, and you can feel the electricity building.  You take one hand, taste the bitterness of feeling useless, and throw a blue stream of energy at the target as hard as you can, channeling that feeling.  It misses. You growl in frustration. You think of your mother and how she always knew the right answers because she’s got mom senses, and throw another full of sorrow.  This one hits the dummy in its chest. Another: fear of being chased by Hydra - another hit, this one on the furthest dummy, right in the head. The anger at feeling like a target - hit.  The sense of overwhelming anxiety - miss. 

You find yourself in a pattern, but you start to get sloppy after a while.  The emotions are too strong and you aren’t grounded any more. All you can feel is the power inside you rising.  In the back of your mind a voice says this is bad and you need to slow down, but you ignore it - you’re past caring.  It consumes you and you let out a long blast of energy from both of your palms as you let out a small scream. All three dummies get overturned, and the windows blows out, raining glass around you.  Finally, finally, you put your hands down. You’re tired and overwhelmed; and now Tony is going to have to fix the windows because of you.

Worthless.  Your mind echoes the word in your head.  Worthless freak losing control. You sink to the floor, not caring that you’re sitting in the midst of glass.  A stinging in your arm causes you to look at down: a piece of glass sits in blood, your blood. You pull it out and throw it as hard as you can across the room.  Your eyes fill with tears and you let out a small sob.

“Oh sweetheart.”

Loki’s voice is a gentle sigh.  Before you know it, cool hands pick you up off the floor and cradle you against his chest.  Cool lips place a kiss to your forehead. You look up and concern is all over Loki’s face as well as something softer, something you’re not sure you want to identify yet.  There’s a swirl of green and the training room vanishes to become Loki’s room. It smells like him, a light hint of cinnamon and balsam, the leather of his outfit, a winter’s day moments before it snows.  He doesn’t let go of you until he sits down on his bed and settles you in his lap. He frowns as he sees the cut on your arm from the glass and runs cool fingertips over it, healing it.

“My little alchemist,” Loki whispers into your hair.  “Tell me what’s going on in that head of yours.” 

You grab his shirt and lean your head in as you start to really cry.  The tears fall like a waterfall down your face - this is most definitely an ugly cry and you hate yourself for it.  Loki tucks you closer in so that his chin can rest on the top of your head. One arm holds you tight and the other strokes your hair, patiently waiting.  

“I - I miss my mom,” you tell him as you choke on the words.  “She always kn-knows what to d-do. And I-I want to be useful on missions, I - I want t-to show I can do more.  I - I don’t wanna b - be useless.”

You let out another sob, and Loki kisses the top of your head again, fingers still carding through your hair.

“A-and I’m scared, a-about Hydra wanting me.  Why,” you try to stop your tears as you speak.  “Why me? Out of everyone - why?”

Loki pulls you back a little so he can truly look at you.  He tilts his head to the side and lets out a sigh as his thumbs run along your cheeks, wiping your tears.  He kisses your forehead.

“I don’t know why,” Loki tells you quietly.  “But I promise, I won’t let anything happen to you.  You have my word. And you know the team loves you. You aren’t useless; as much as I hate to admit it, the Captain is right.  You do a very good job healing everyone. And, might I add, you’ve grown tremendously in your energy and magic.” There’s a touch of pride in his voice at the last part and you smile a little.

“As for your mom, would visiting her make you feel better?”  You nod at him. “I don’t see why we can’t arrange for that.”

You give him a small smile and he returns it.

“Thank you,” you whisper, calming down, safe in his arms.  “For everything.”

“It’s no trouble, darling.”

He smiles at you warmly, kissing your forehead.  You want to say something, but you yawn and decide to lean against him instead, his arms around you, tucked under his chin.  

Loki starts to hum a song you’ve never heard before.  The rumbling in his chest plus the melody soothe you, and you drift to sleep.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Readers!
> 
> Fluff?   
> Check  
> Brooms?  
> Check
> 
> I hope you enjoy the chapter!! (:  
> ~Birdie

You wake up in a room much cooler than your own, soft sheets and fluffy pillows surrounding you.  Everything in here is green and gold, bookshelves and papers scattered over a wooden writing desk, and you realize you’re in Loki’s room.  He must have put you in his bed after you fell asleep on him. As you gaze the room, you see no sign of him. Where did he sleep? There’s no evidence of him sharing the bed with you...

A light snore makes you sit up.  You turn and gaze over the side of the bed to find Loki asleep on the floor, a blanket tangled over him and his dark messy hair spread across his pillow as lays on his side facing the bed.  You take a moment to admire his face - his pale skin and strong cheekbones, straight regal nose, long hair, a small half smile on his lips as he sleeps. You sigh. Yup. You’re beyond crushing; you don’t want to say the ‘L’ word though, not yet.  The thought terrifies you - you’ve never felt this, and you’re elated and scared. He’s tried to kiss you on multiple occasions but you are certain that his feelings are most likely not as intense as yours. You shake your head; you can’t think about these things right now, so you shove it deep in your core.  Deciding to leave before Loki wakes, you carefully get out of the bed and pad to the door as quietly as you can. 

You miss his emerald eyes open and watch you leave.

In your room, you take a shower, try to settle the fluttering in your gut as your thoughts drift to back to him, to Loki and the warmth in your body at how he held you, how he let you have his bed.  You’re dizzy from it. You focus on washing your hair, letting the water stream down your face. Even as you close your eyes, you’re plagued by green eyes and black hair. You growl and try to focus on other things.  Maybe you should lock yourself in the lab and work on some more potions - you have some nasty ones in the works that the Avengers can throw for damage. After a while you settle and turn off the water and stepping out to get dressed.  You look out the window at a grey sky - you just know it’s going to rain - and decide it’s a hoodie and jeans day. A better idea hits you for what you’ll do today. You also grab your broom - it’s been too long and you’re itching to ride, plus the air and the freedom will give you a sense of peace.

At breakfast, you’re a little surprised that Loki is already there, sitting in the chair next to where you always sit.  You grab breakfast and sit next to him. He glances at you with a quick grin and you quickly turn your gaze to your cereal, painfully aware of the blush on your cheeks.  Why go shy now? There’s nothing between you too. He’s just your best friend, right? You clear your throat and turn to him.

“Hey, thanks for last night, listening and putting me to bed,” you tell him quietly.  “I know I can be a messy crier. Hopefully your shirt survived.”

Loki just laughs and you can’t help to join in with your own.

“I assure it, my shirt is fine.  It was no problem, truly.”

He reaches up and tucks a strand of loose hair behind your ear, his eyes turning soft as he smiles at you.  You want to ask him what he’s thinking, his touch tingling as he lets his hand trace down your cheek, but before you can form words, the rest of the Avengers make their way into the dining room.  Loki quickly drops his hand and you turn to your cereal with extreme interest as they all take their seats. Cap gives you a smile.

“I’m sorry if we upset you yesterday,” he apologizes sincerely.  “We’re all just as confused as you. Not making you feel like the team was not our intentions.”

“Yeah kiddo, you’re always part of the team,” Tony says as he stuffs toast into his mouth.  “You’ll be on missions soon, don’t worry. Just a little longer.”

You smile at them, your family of misfits.  Of course you’re part of the team, you think.  How silly of you to think anything else. You’re not useless, just overwhelmed right now with everything going on.

“Thank you,” you say with a warm smile on your face.  “I think yesterday was too much of everything.”

Clint pats you on the shoulder as he walks to the counter, perching on the side of it, munching on an apple.

“You’re family,” he tells you between bites.  “Never feel like you aren’t.”

You can’t stop smiling, a warmth in your chest.  

“Oh,” you say as soon as you remember last night. “Tony, I’m sorry about the windows in the training room, I didn’t mean to break it and I can help you replace it if you need me to.”

Tony looks confused.

 “What windows?  There wasn’t any damage, the windows were perfectly fine when I looked this morning.”

“But I…”

And then it dawns on you.  A quick glance at the God of Mischief at your side and it’s confirmed by the smirk on his face.  He fixed it after you went to bed. He locks eyes with you and you quickly mouth out a thank you before looking back at your cereal.  He catches your hand in his beneath the table and gives it a squeeze. It’s cold, his fingers long and graceful between your own, and you blush lightly.  His thumb runs little circles over the back of your hand and you glance at him from the corner of your eye. He’s carrying on as if he hasn’t just set you ablaze.  You feel embarrassed almost at how you’re affected by his palm against yours.

“Quit flirting at the table guys,” Nat says completely deadpanned.  You quickly detangle your hand from Loki’s even as you miss the touch immediately, and look at Nat.  Loki has a completely neutral look on his face.

“We’re not flirting.”

“Sure.”

Luckily you’re saved when Thor arrives, excitement on his face.

“Lady Y/N, is that your broom?  I remember seeing it when you moved in,” he booms, grinning.  “Are you going to fly? Can I watch? Can you do loops??”

His excitement is contagious and you find yourself grinning back, thankful to be on a different subject.

“It is my broom,” you tell him.  “Though I haven’t ridden in a while, since I moved in actually.”

“I knew it,” Natasha says quietly and you glance at her.  She gives you a small smile. “I know things.”

“You can fly?” Tony asks with an eyebrow raised.  “And you didn’t tell us why?”

“She did when she first moved in, doofus,” Nat says with an eye roll.  “We just never asked about it.”

“It’s not really considered a power, so I decided it was unimportant to bring up again,” you reply, painfully aware of everyone looking at you.  “What?”

“How do you even know how to do that when you can’t control your powers?” Tony asks again, eyebrow raised, incredulous.

You glance around the table.

“It’s something I’ve always been able to do,” you say matter of factly.  “It’s just something in me that always came naturally without me thinking about it.”

“Can you show us?”  Cap asks, a small smile on his face and you sigh.

“Yeah, I wanted to go out anyway,” you reply, internally missing the quiet time you were about to have.  Though you seriously doubted that any of them would let you go alone anyway. 

“I can fly around the city but that will draw a lot of attention.  Maybe a soccer field or a quiet place I can have space.”

“Deal.”

Thor grins in delight, thrilled to come watch, everyone murmuring amongst themselves in curiosity.  You take a glance next to you, surprised to see Loki’s face paler than before and concern in his eyes.  He gets up abruptly and leaves, leaving you to wonder what the deal is.

 

*********************************

 

An hour later and all of you are in the middle of a hidden wheat field.  How Tony found it in the midst of New York, you don’t know. But here it is, well outside the noise of the city.  It’s peaceful, a breeze blowing, the chill of it and the overcast sky making you feel alive. This is your weather.  A deep breath and you smile.

“Alright, kiddo, the sky is yours,” Tony says. 

You look at all the Avengers.  Thor is beaming in anticipation, which makes you smile, while everyone else is more curious than anything.  Loki stands to the side, pale with a worried frown on his face. You wonder what’s on his mind. You shake your head and move to the middle of the field.  As you mount your broom, you feel the hair on the back of your neck stand up. The magic billows around you, your hair blowing in it’s own breeze from it. You grin as you slowly rise, taking your time for them at first.  As soon as your feet are off the ground, you suddenly go straight up, quicker than a bottle rocket. 

Once you hit a comfortable height, you level your broom and glance at the city on the horizon before looking down.  The looks of amazement down below make you laugh. To you, this is nothing, but to them...You do a loop around them, the dive down to circle the field, your feet grazing the long strands.  You absently drop a hand to touch the blowing golden tops. You’re free and happy as you fly back up to the sky and do a loop de loop, laughing out loud. Down below you hear Thor’s bellowing laughter, quickly joined by a few of the Avengers.  Apparently your excitement is contagious, you realize and laugh again as you dip and dive and float. You finally touch down, your hair wind blown and your face flushed from the chilled air.

“Ta Da!” you say to the group as you dismount.  “God, I need to fly more, I didn’t realize how much I missed it.”

“That was amazing!” Thor rumbles and gives you a giant hug.  “You’re now my flying sister! We can fly together!”

You laugh in his embrace before he lets go.

“We can!”

“Y/N, that was…” Cap starts, not sure of his words.  “That’s impressive. We could use that in battles. Can you carry people or just yourself?”

“I can!” you reply with a happy smile on your face.

“Thank you for showing us this.  With your powers…” Cap trails off.  “Next mission, you’re in and we’ll see how it goes.”

You beam at him.  Out of the corner of your eye you see Loki shifting his weight from leg to leg, his face less pale but the worry still in his eyes as he looks at you.  You move towards him but before you can get close, he’s suddenly in front of you, arms around you tightly. He kisses the top of your head.

“That was terrifying,” he mumbles into your hair.

You pull back.

“Why?  I was completely in control.”

“Because,” Loki whispers.  “I fear you’ll fall.”

You just sigh.

“I’m not going to fall, Chaos.  Promise.”

He nods and finally lets you go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, lovelies!  
> This chapter was fun to write, especially the little bit of cuteness at the beginning.  
> Will there be more?  
> We'll just have to wait and see!!
> 
> Also, thank you for sticking around with me this far. There's more fun to come!
> 
> ~Birdie


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi readers!  
> I've decided to update every Monday. (: Here is the next chapter!  
> ~Birdie

It doesn’t take long for your first mission to arise.  You feel anticipation rising in your chest as you put on the outfit the team gave you - combat boots that go up your leg with laces and silver buckles, black and neon pink striped tights to go under a denim skort (so no one can look up an actual skirt), a black shirt and a black jacket adorned with silver buckles and pink accents, neon pink and black fingerless gloves.  There is a cute witches hat but you opt not to wear it as it most likely can’t keep up with high speeds on a broom. You look at yourself in the mirror of your suite for a moment; you're a little self conscious about your belly, but it passes. You had to give them credit; you look and feel like a badass. You put on heavy black eyeliner and some dark plum lipstick for extra effect since you have a few minutes before grabbing your broom and walking out to meet up with the rest of the team.  

Everyone compliments your costume as you enter the room and you smile, feeling more confident than you did before you left your room.  Loki comes over and grins at you. He looks breathtaking in his armor, helmet and metal and leather.  You swallow hard and try to fight the butterflies. He reaches out and takes your hand, bringing it to your lips.  A blush forms over your cheekbones.

“You look magnificent, love,” Loki tells you as he kisses your hand before dropping it, causing your face to flush more.  “Are you ready for this?”

You nod at him, your own grin on your face.  Love? That’s one you’ve only heard once or twice, and you find yourself rather pleased when he calls you it again.  You bounce a moment on your toes. You’re so excited to prove to yourself and the world that you are more than capable of being one of the Avengers.

“I just need to grab my potions.”

How many should you bring?  How are you going to carry them?  You might have to just store them in the jet.

“Ah,” Cap says with a smile.  “We actually have a gift for you.  From all of us for your missions.”

Nat walks forward and hands you a small box.

“Aww, guys….” you say, your heart warm as you look around your family before you open the box.  A beautiful silver messenger bag faces you and you feel the tears in your eyes at it. “Thank you so much!”

“Reach into it,” Tony urges.  “Go on, reach in.”

You raise an eyebrow but do as he says.  Instead of feeling a narrow and shallow inside of the bag like you expect to, your arm goes in all the way to above your elbow before you feel bottom.  You stare at it in awe. You can fit so many potions in here. You won’t have to worry about running out. It’s incredible. Plus there are tons of pockets.

“How?” you ask, curious.

“Reindeer Games enchanted it,” Tony tells you with a grin.  “We wanted you to have the extra storage.”

Loki has pride and happiness in his eyes as he looks at you.

“When you fill it and pick it up, it won’t feel any heavier than it is now,” he tells you, beaming as you stare at him with your wide eyes.  It’s so incredible that everyone did this for you, that they care enough to give you such a gift. For Loki to enchant it...you’re once again, for the millionth time, in awe of his powers.  You feel the tears again and quickly brush them away.

“Thank you again, everyone,” you tell the group and they all smile at you.

“Can’t leave our healer in a lurch,” Nat tells you warmly.

“Alright, we leave in five,” Cap announces, bringing you back to what’s going on.  “Get your stuff together.”

Everyone starts to scatter to double check that they’re ready, leaving you and Loki in the living room.  You head towards the medical bay, aware he’s following you, and you start sticking all the potions and things into your bag.  Small healing potions, stronger healing potions, poison antidotes, a kit with needles and thick thread and antiseptics...anything you can think of, you stick into the never ending bag.  Loki watches you silently as you work.

“There!” you announce, pleased.  “I am so ready for this.”

“I never doubted you,” Loki chuckles as you turn around.  “I’m glad you like the bag so much, little alchemist.”

You beam at him.

“It’s absolutely perfect.”

Loki’s hand comes up to play with a tendril of your hair, twirling it, running it between his finger and thumb.  You shiver. For a moment, it’s just the two of you. Your eyes are locked with his emerald ones, and an unspoken tension hangs in the air.  You can barely breathe, your heart fluttering in your chest. He moves his hand from your hair to your cheek, cupping your face. Loki leans down, closer…

“May I-”

“Alright guys, we’re heading out!”  Cap yells and you sigh heavily.

Loki stands up straight and drops your face.  He puts the mask back on, the one that hides everything, but you get a glance as he does and his eyes reflect the disappointment you feel at being interrupted.  But instead of just storming out like you expected him to, he offers you his arm. You gladly take it, and together you walk to the jet.

 

*************

 

You mount your broom and circle around the city.  You’re fighting a group of enhanced and they are rough.  A few are down but your guys are looking a little worse for wear.  You notice Clint clutching his side as he tries to stay standing and you rush downwards to him.  Pulling a potion out of your bag, you put him into a sitting position and hand it to him. You look at his side; there’s a small piece of shrapnel sticking out of it, blood around it.  You could pull it out, but it would just make a mess.

“That was the best pain killer I think I’ve ever had,” Clint manages as you look him over, a dazed look in his eyes.  “What was in that thing?”

“I’m glad it’s helping.  It doesn’t really matter what’s in it, just imagine lots of vicodin without the addiction,” you tell him with a half smile as you dig through your bag.  “But we’re not done yet, unfortunately...just need…Ah ha!”

You pull out some herbs and a purple vial.  You pack the herbs as best you can around the shrapnel and then pour the liquid over it to keep it from bleeding.  Clint hisses in pain.

“You need more medical attention than I can give you right now,” you tell him as you lift him up.  He’s more stable on his feet than he was. “I’m going to fly you to the jet so that you can lay down.”

Clint wavers on his feet and as you do your best to hold him steady, you catch movement out of the corner of your eye - you’re being attacked.  You swiftly move and put up a blue shield just as a swirl of green appears next to you. Loki stands in all his armor and looks at you. You keep your shield up in front and to the side of you as you glance him over; there’s a small cut on his nose, but it’s nothing to be concerned with.

“I can get him to the jet quicker than you can, love,” Loki tells you quickly.  You nod and let him take Clint from you, who is now delirious from the stuff you jacked him up with.

“Don’t wanna, need my teddy” he mumbles, and Loki just picks him up, mischief in his eyes; another swirl of green and they’re gone.  

You giggle for a moment, then quickly mount your broom and continue circling the field.  A blast flying towards you tells you that you now have a target on your back. You dodge in time, but just barely, and you’re a little shaky from the adrenaline.  Another one and your broom falters a bit. You throw up a shield in front of you, watching another streak of light hit it and dissolve.

Focus, you tell yourself.  You scan the field and spot the one that keeps shooting at you.  You raise a hand to shoot back but there’s no need. You watch as Loki appears behind him and slit his throat with a knife.  Loki looks up at you and you give him a thumbs up in thanks; he grins his reply. Bit by bit, the team destroys the threat. You flitter around the field looking for any injured Avengers.  Thor has a deep cut on his arm and Cap has a few cuts on his face, but it’s nothing that can’t be fixed with stitches; you want to try to conserve your potions as long as you can, and seeing as they aren’t life threatening wounds...  You pour a bit of a green bottle over them as antiseptics and to prevent mild bleeding until you can get back to the tower and sew them up properly. All the Avengers tell you how well of a job you did today as they pass you, and you can’t help but feel warm inside.  

That warmth quickly turns cold though a moment later.

As everyone starts to head towards the jet, you get the distinct feeling that someone is watching you.  You pause and turn, scanning the remains of the battle. Just as you’re about to brush it off, you catch movement out of the corner of your eye.  You quickly turn towards it and see a man. Your blood runs cold as he slides out of view, eyes never leaving yours.

“Y/N, is something wrong?” Loki’s voice is quiet and concerned, tired.

You look at him before quickly looking back to where the man was.  Maybe you’re just tired and it wasn’t anything.

“I...thought I saw someone.”

Loki scans the area you’re looking at and you can almost physically feel him bristle as he wraps an arm around your waist.  He turns back towards you.

“I don’t see anyone, but that doesn’t mean anything,” he says gently.  “Let’s just go home, okay?”

But he never lets go of you and keeps a constant vigilance until you’re in the jet and headed back.

Once you’re back at the tower, you settle yourself in the medical room, Loki reluctantly leaving your side when you finally kick him out.  Clint gets your attention first, as you carefully pull the piece of debris out of his side; nothing vital has been hit and with your careful ministrations, it’s sewed up in no time. Then you take care of mild cuts and stitches - it doesn’t take very long and soon you’re alone in the room with your thoughts and the high from adrenaline.  You put away your potions, sticking them in the fridge and cabinets, returning the first aid kit to where it belongs. You’re exhausted yet shaky and awake and sweaty and in desperate need of a shower.

You leave the room and find the tower mostly empty on this floor.  As you head to the elevator so you can get to your suite to shower and pass out, Loki finds you.  You can see his reflection in the shiny elevator doors. You meet his eyes in the reflection, darker than usual and glimmering with something intense, and you open your mouth to say something.  Before you can, he grabs your shoulder and spins you around. Within the same breath, he kisses you with cool lips on yours, once, briefly, yet filled with a sweet and gentle emotion that melts you.

And then he’s walking away, leaving you dazed as the bell dings.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woah, that was intense. How is this going to affect Reader's relationship with Loki now? Join us next Monday for the next installment!  
> Thanks for reading!  
> ~Birdie


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Once you have a chance to process things, you run into Natasha. Can she offer some advice for you?

You take a long bubble bath that night, using your favorite lavender bath bomb that you made.  Making bath bombs and beauty projects is another one of your skills - you’ve been playing with bath bombs that change color, produce bubbles, etc and etc.  But it was never important to bring up to the Avengers. Tonight though, you’re glad you made a few of them in the lab last week.

You try to settle your mind but it’s incredibly difficult.  So much happened today. Scenes from the battle pop in and out of your mind, the blood, the magic, the slight fear you felt and the adrenaline.  You force yourself to turn the images off. Seeing battle isn’t going to be just a one time thing. And this one was pretty mild. Blood isn’t something you’re afraid of per say, but seeing your friends struggling at times and the one that tried to knock you out of the sky…

Buck up, you tell yourself.  You’re an Avenger. This is how life is.

The thoughts change.  You start to remember the kiss with Loki that literally happened not a half hour ago.  Oh god, the kiss. It was so brief, just the lightest of touches, and oh how you wish you had kissed Loki back.  But he hadn’t given you the chance, had just brushed your lips and left without a word. Who does that? Apparently Gods of Mischief.  You submerge yourself deeper in your tub, glad Tony gave the suites garden tubs. The bubbles dance along beneath your nose and you are careful not to breathe them in.  But why? Why did he walk away? Was it just an impulse thing and he immediately regretted it? But the two of you have been flirting for at least a month. Right? Surely it isn’t that.

It must be something else.  You clear your head of it and finish your bath before heading to bed, exhausted.

 

*************************************

The longer you try to sleep, the more restless you become, nightmares about the battle and the man you saw plaguing you to the point of sweats and shakes.  Finally you decide enough is enough and get up, padding out your door as quietly as you can. You grab your iPod and change into sweats and a tee, then head towards the training room to try to get out of your head.  You have to get some of the adrenaline out of your system; it’s jacking you up and making you jumpy. You truly don’t expect anyone to be up, and when you get to the training room, you are completely alone.

You set up with a boxing bag, needing to physically punch and hit things.  You’ve trained a lot with Nat and a lot with Loki so you know how to do this without getting hurt.  You put in your headphones and turn up your workout playlist before you start beating the ever loving shit out of the bag.  Soon, you’re sweating and panting, thoughts between breaths. 

Punch.  

Is he scared of commitment?

Punch.

Is there something wrong with you?  Are you not good enough, pretty enough, interesting enough?

Punch.

What about fighting?  You have to practice more on your broom, maybe get Loki to throw energy spikes at you to help you.

Kick.

Unless he’s not wanting to talk to you ever again.  Maybe Clint can throw arrows.

Kick and punch.

You really hope he’s not going to avoid you.  The thought makes you queasy.

Kick.

And the man today.  Hydra again? It’s the only thing that makes sense; your blood turns cold at the thought.

 

A hand lands on your shoulder, startling you.  You turn around without thinking and punch; someone catches your hand and holds it tight.

“Couldn’t sleep?”

Natasha smiles at you kindly.  Your heart slows down and you take a deep breath before giving her a small smile.

“Yeah,” you tell her slowly.  “Too much going on up here.” You point to your forehead.

Nat hums in understanding before pointing over towards the bench.

“You want to talk about it?”

You consider her offer, then accept with a sigh.

“It can’t hurt,” you reply, walking over to sit down.  She joins you, silently following you. You’ll never get over how she can walk so quietly.

“So…?” Nat prompts after a few moments of silence.

“Alright, but please don’t judge me,” you tell her.  She nods and you proceed to tell her about how the mission today shook you up a bit and the seeing the man and the nightmares tonight.  Your fears of being taken or murdered.

“Everyone feels something like that when they first go into the field,” she tells you reassuringly.  “There is nothing wrong with you, I promise. I find that going for a walk helps clear my head, or coming down here like you did.  Sometimes, just being with other people helps too. It’s too easy to get wrapped up in your own head.”

You nod.

“I’m glad I’m not the only one who reacts this way,” you tell her quietly.  

She gives you a smile.

“You’re definitely not.  As for the man you saw...we’ve all had our suspicions that Hydra would send another agent after you.  I’ll talk to the others in the morning - well, later this morning - and we’ll figure out what to do. We need to find out why they want you so badly and what they’re planning, because they’re very much up to something,” Nat says thoughtfully.  “Just remember you’ve got us; you’re not in this alone.”

You shiver but also take comfort in her words.

“Thank you,” you whisper.

“That’s not all that’s bothering you, is it.”

A statement, not a question.  Either you’re a complete open book or this woman reads people like Trekkies flock to conventions.  You suspect it’s both.

“No,” you sigh.  “It’s not.”

“I saw him kiss you, you know,” Nat tells you matter of factly.

“You - what - I”

“It’s not a big deal,” she tells you, a cheshire grin on her face as she watches you flush.  “I just wonder how you feel about that. I can tell it’s on your mind.”

“He just walked away,” you blurt out.  “Like who the hell kisses you for a second then walks away?”

“Hmmm,” Nat says thoughtfully.  “Maybe someone who is really afraid of rejection?  Have you talked to him?”

“No…”

“Then go do that,” she tells you with a raised eyebrow.  “He has the actual answers you’re looking for.”

And with that, you’re alone in the training room.

 

******************************

After you’ve cleaned up (for the second time today) and thrown on some jammies, you weigh the words of Nat.  Maybe talking to him is the best idea. That’s how communication works, right? And anyway, it’s not like he ever sleeps, so the sooner the better.  You pad across the hall and knock on his door. You try to figure out what you want to say, and you think you’ve got it figured out. The door opens and you immediately forget everything.

Loki stands in the doorway, long hair recently washed and framing his face, emerald eyes open in surprise.  You just look him over before holding his eyes. He takes a step back and starts to close the door.

“Y/N, I was just heading to bed, perhaps another night-”

He’s trying to avoid this, you can see it on his face.  You stick your foot in the door so he can’t close it any more.

“We need to talk.  Now,” you tell him gently.  “Please. You can’t just...shut me out.  I-”

Loki’s face softens and he sighs before grabbing your arm and leading you into his room.  He closes the door behind you and looks at you almost impassively. He sits on the bed and pats the spot beside him.  Slowly you sit down, your eyes never leaving his face as if he’ll disappear at any moment. He sighs again then turns to you so your eyes meet.  He motions to you to start.

“You kissed me,” you whisper.  “And then you walked away. Why?  And I haven’t seen you since.”

“Ah,” Loki says in understanding, turning his head to look at his hands in his lap.  “It was, perhaps, a mistake. I…”

“It was a mistake?  The kiss was a mistake?”

You can feel your eyes fill with tears.  What about all the things leading up to it?  Had he just been toying with you? You sniff and he looks over at you, alarm in his green eyes.  A tear slides down your cheek and you absently wipe it away.

“That’s not what I mean, Y/N but I shouldn’t have-”

“Was I a mistake too?” you whisper, turning away, your heart feeling as if it has been ripped out and stomped on.

“No!” Loki says loudly.  Then, softer. “You are never a mistake.  I just...I realized in that moment that...you can do so much better than me.”

You look at him, your heart thudding in your chest.  The silence stretches before you break it, shattering it like a crystal vase thrown to the floor.

“But,” you whisper, carefully reaching up to trace fingers down his cheek.  “You’re the only one I want. Don’t you...don’t you know I adore you? All of you?”

Loki watches you wide eyed.

“I’m a Frost Giant, Y/N,” he tells you softly, a range of frustration, disbelief, and disgust flashing across his face.  “I don’t want you chaining yourself to that.”

“It doesn’t matter to me that you turn blue,” you tell him, a small smile at the confusion on Loki’s face.  “Thor told me one night while he was drunk.”

“Oaf of a brother,” Loki mutters, embarrassed.  “I’m sorry you had to hear that from him.”

“No, don’t be sorry,” you whisper, fingers still on his face.  “Let me see. I know you’re no monster.”

“Not tonight,” Loki whispers back, and you can see the tension in his body at the mention of it.  “Perhaps one day.”

He reaches up and cups your cheek, his emerald eyes soft.  You lean into his cool touch and sigh.

“I’m so sorry I made you feel that way, that you were a mistake,” Loki tells you, sincerity and gentleness swirling in his eyes.  “I adore you as well, my love. I have for a long time. So much it nearly hurts.”

With that, he moves his hand to the back of your head and leans in, his lips finding yours.  

And this time, Loki  doesn’t pull away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello readers!  
> How sweet are they???  
> Also, I've updated the rating on this fic to Explicit because after this, there are, uh, smutty things in the next chapter, so buckle up!  
> I hope you enjoyed and I'll see you at the next chapter!  
> ~Birdie


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki makes you feel adored and beautiful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi Readers!  
> Here is the first chapter that gives this fic an Explicit rating.   
> That's right.  
> It's smut.  
> Enjoy! (;  
> ~Birdie

Loki’s lips are cool and soft against yours as you kiss him.  He cups your face and tilts your head, gently as his mouth slowly moves with yours, gradually becoming more and more hungry.  You’re lost in the kiss, his hands moving up and playing with your hair. A cool tongue runs along the seam of your mouth, nibbles at your bottom lip before gently parting your lips, desperate to taste all of you.  

You sigh and open your mouth further, granting access so he can lick his way inside.  His tongue traces the inside of your mouth as if he’s memorizing it, running along the roof ridges, melting with your own tongue in such a way that you can’t help the moan that escapes your throat; he swallows it along with his own quiet groan.  He tastes of mint and snow. The scent of him, the taste of him, the gentleness against you - you can’t deny it, you’re intoxicated by him.

Finally, Loki breaks away, both of you panting.  You place your hands on his chest and meet his emerald eyes, dark and gentle as he combs fingers through your hair.  As you hold his gaze for a moment, you think of all the time you’ve had together. How he taught you magic, how he let you sleep in his bed, how he truly is your best friend.  How you have been craving him like this, pleased he feels the same.

“That was…amazing,” you breathe at last.  “No one can say my first few kisses weren’t memorable.”

Loki raises an eyebrow.

“You’ve never been kissed?” he questions, his hands moving to cup your face.  “Have you never felt the touch of a lover?”

You flush, embarrassed.  A lover’s touches...the things you’ve only read of in romance novels.  Does the real world work like that? Moaning and sighing, kisses and fingers - suddenly you imagine what Loki could do with his long slender hands and clever fingers, and the butterflies in your stomach turn to dragons.  Heat begins to rise in your belly. His fingers slowly trace down your neck, ghosting the hollow of your throat, until eventually running down your arms, grasping your hands.

“Love?”

“No,” you whisper, looking down at your lap.  “I’ve never met anyone I really wanted to date or, um, you know.”

“So am I your first?” Loki asks, one eyebrow up and a mischievous smirk on his face.

You nod silently.  He grabs your chin gently to turn your face up to his, forcing you to look into his eyes.  There’s a light shining in the green, his pupils dilated, eyes dark beneath the light. But there’s also a softness there, caring and lov-

 His smirk turns to a grin.

“I’m honored then.  This night is going to be fun, I promise.  Trust me, love.”

Your heart leaps at the words.  Trust the trickster, you think. Trust the God of Mischief and Lies.  And as you look at him, at the sincerity in his eyes, you do. You trust him.  He swirls a piece of your long thick hair in his fingers, waiting silently for permission to make love to you, to hold you tight and take care of you.  You swallow. You could say no, go back to your room and try to sleep. But deep down, you want this. You’ve wanted this for a while now.

“Okay,” you whisper shyly with a smile.  “I trust you.”

Loki smiles at you, a genuine smile that takes your breath away.  He gently presses his lips to yours again in a soft kiss before wrapping his arms around your waist.  He gently guides you from the edge of the bed towards the middle as he lays back, never letting go of you except to make sure you’re settled comfortably on the pillows.  Your heart beats wildly, nervous and excited wrapped into a single song in your ears. Loki settles next to you so you’re looking face to face, both on your sides. You can’t help it, you reach up and touch his face.  You let your fingers drift over his features; his straight and regal nose, his soft thin lips, his defined cheekbones and strong jaw.

Loki takes your hand and slowly kisses your palm, never breaking eye contact.  Your breath catches in your throat at the gesture; how could something so sweet and gentle be so sensual?  A burning heat grows on your face and it makes you want to hide behind your hands. You don’t though, and instead close your eyes, trying to steady yourself.  

“Look at me, my love.  You have no idea how long I’ve wanted this.”

Loki’s voice is low and soft, your skin warm where his lips touch.  You open your eyes and meet his emerald ones. One by one, he places gentle kisses on your fingers, your knuckles, and then at last the back of your hand.  He bends his head and places another soft kiss on the inside of your wrist, moving his way up your arm. A kiss on the crook of your elbow, pushing your sleeve up to get to your upper arm.  It’s so soft, so romantic almost, and you feel the burning need again, flipping like a roller coaster drop. 

You let out a small yelp when Loki holds you and rolls so your back is flat on the mattress.  He hovers above you, weight on his lower arms as he kisses your forehead, then travels down your face, kissing your cheeks, your nose, until finally he reaches your mouth.  His lips hover above yours.

“I could kiss you forever,” Loki whispers.

“Please don’t stop,” you breathe.

He presses his lips on yours in a hungry, needy kiss.  

You kiss him back just as needy, as if he’s the last thing you’ll ever taste.  You want him to know that kissing him is now you’re favorite thing in the world.  You bite at his lower lip and making him groan quietly. He grinds his hips against yours and you can feel his arousal press into you; you groan at the friction.  He laughs quietly in your ear, breathless, before his lips move along your jaw, placing kisses along the way. He moves to your ear, nibbling it for a moment before sucking on the sensitive spot behind it; you sigh, the sound sounding a little like a whimper.  Loki smiles against your skin before placing kisses down your neck. He moves the collar of your shirt and picks a place near your shoulder, sucking hard, and you realize he’s marking you as his. You can’t help but smooth a hand through his dark hair as he does, and he purrs into your skin.

Loki sits up and pauses for a second, his fingers playing at the hem of your shirt.  You swallow hard and turn your head, embarrassed. You want this so badly, but a sudden wave of self consciousness washes over you.  There’s nothing but kindness and desire in Loki’s eyes and you can’t breathe from it.

“Love?”

He asks the question gently, barely above a whisper, and you squirm.  Your body isn’t exactly a “beach body.” You have curves and are chubby in the middle.  The reason your costume doesn’t bother you anymore is because the tee is loose and the skort enhances your figure.  But you’ve never shown your naked body to anyone. This is new territory.

“I’m okay,” you whisper back to Loki.  “I want this. I want you. Just…”

It’s as if he knows exactly what’s wrong, and he crawls back up your body, stealing a kiss from your tender, swollen lips.

“By the Norns, you are the most beautiful creature I have ever laid eyes on,” Loki breathes against your lips.  “Let me take care of you. I’ve got you.”

Beautiful.  Something you’ve struggled with when you look in the mirror some days.  You search his eyes; nothing but honesty meets your gaze. You smile at him.  You’re still nervous but you know you’re safe with him. He’s here and real and he wants you like you want him.  You feel the last bit of your control go, your mind letting go and suddenly you’re so in the moment, you feel him against you and you drown in his eyes.

“Okay,” you say with a smile.  “Okay.”

Loki beams at you and sits up.  His hands slide under your shirt and carefully lifts it up.  You sit up and raise your arms, allowing him to take it off. He kisses down your collar bones slowly, his hands snaking behind your back to unclasp your bra, gently easing it off, exposing you to him.  He leans back for just a moment.

“Damn.”

It’s almost a prayer the way he says it and the way he mumbles your name afterwards.  Loki bends down and kisses the valley between your breasts before one hand reaches up to start kneading one breast.  His mouth drifts, kissing around the curve of your other breast until his lips seal around your nipple. He sucks hard and you can’t stop the whine that escapes your lips.  He grins and continues his ministrations, switching breasts so neither is left out; nipping and sucking and kneading, caressing. You reach into his hair as he moves down, kissing your belly as if you’re a goddess and he’s worshipping you, his fingers tracing your sides.  

You tug on his shirt - how is he still wearing clothes? - and he willingly tugs it up and over his arms, revealing a pale chest with toned muscles that carry strength like you can’t imagine.  You reach up and run fingers across his cool chest, tracing his angles and toned body. He leans down and presses his chest against yours, kissing your lips in a blinding kiss. Heat pools between your legs and you sigh into the kiss.  While kissing you, Loki’s fingers find the waist of your pants and before you know it, he’s tugging them down gently. He shifts so he can sit up and take them off completely, underwear following. He crouches down and lifts your legs so your knees are over his shoulders.  He kisses the inside of your thighs, making you shiver, before moving up them. He presses hot open mouth kisses, slowly, the entire way up your thighs, watching you the whole time and-

“Loki, wha-”

His tongue, oh that glorious tongue, lays a lick between your folds.  Your thighs tremble as Loki begins to explore you. Your breaths become difficult as he licks small circles around your clit before moving down to slide inside you, tasting you.  You moan as his tongue curls up inside you, touching your most sensitive places; you grab the sheets. He moves back to your clit, sucking on it then moving away, teasing you. He slips a nimble finger inside you as he kisses your folds, tongue running along your slit before settling once again on your clit as his finger slides in and out of you slowly, always hitting the right spot.  

“God, Loki,” you manage, panting.  You let out another moan as your body rocks against his mouth.  He holds your hips down, and you force yourself to look at him. He locks eyes with yours, dark green, pupils blown, and he grins against your body.  It doesn’t take long for the tightness in your belly to take over, and you cum with a cry, his name on your lips.

Loki gives you a minute to settle from your orgasm before moving up your body on his hands and knees.  He’s naked, you realize; he must have magicked the rest of his clothes off while you were catching your breath.  For a brief moment, you glance down - he certainly is a god, you realize, as you see his length and girth. You wonder with a small pang of nervousness how on earth he’s going to fit.  His lips crash against yours in passionate and sloppy kiss and your mind goes blank. Your arms wrap around his neck, fingers in his hair. With his knee, he slowly parts your legs open further, and his position shifts.  You can feel the tip of his cock at your entrance.

“Are you sure?” he whispers.

“Yeah.”

Loki presses his forehead against yours.  Inch by inch, you feel his cock slide into you, slowly stretching you wide.  He hits the spot inside you that makes you let out a small moan and instinctively tighten around him, and Loki lets out a hiss.  You reach up and place your hands on his shoulders as he finishes entering you, both of you still for a moment as you adjust to him being inside you.  He slowly starts pulling out, then in, each time hitting that spot that makes you short of breath. Encouraged by your moans and sighs and cries, he picks up the pace, in and out, in and out, until you’re clutching the sheets in knotted fists.  One of his hands glides down and circles your clit, keeping time with his thrusts, and it’s too much - you cum with a cry, his name ripping from your throat as you feel as though electricity is running through your body. He quickly follows, spilling himself in side you and slowing his thrusts until you both have ridden out your orgasms.

Loki eventually pulls out and rolls on his side, facing you, both of you breathless and sweaty.  A lock of his dark hair is plastered to his forehead; you gently reach up and push it back before placing a small soft kiss on his lips.  You’re exhausted and kind of sore, but happy. Loki smiles at you as if you’re the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen and pulls you close to him, your head on his chest as his arms wrap around you tightly.  He places a kiss to the top of your head.

“Do not ever doubt how much I adore you,” he whispers as you slowly drift into a well sated sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi Readers!  
> I hope you enjoyed this steamy chapter. I really enjoy writing smut and so there will most definitely be more later on. (;  
> See you all at the next chapter!  
> ~Birdie


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after your previous night's adventure with Loki.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there Readers!  
> Here we are, the morning after.  
> Enjoy!  
> ~Birdie

You wake up to arms around you and a chest flat against your back.  You roll over as best you can and look at the face of your Loki, a peaceful smile on his lips as he pulls you closer to his chest.  His hair is a mess and you reach up to tuck a strand of it off his forehead before gracing your fingers across his cheekbone and chin.  You lean up and press a small kiss to his lips; you just can’t help yourself, your heart fluttering as you do so.

_ Mine _ , you can’t help but think.  _  I adore him and he adores me.  _

And in that moment, watching his eyelashes flutter against pale skin, a sigh coming from his lips as he opens his green eyes, you realize something.  It’s not just adoration. It’s something much stronger than that. Something you’ve never felt for anyone before, and it makes your heart ache.

Loki smiles at you tenderly and returns your kiss before turning your hand and placing a kiss on your palm.

“Good morning, beautiful,” he says quietly and you giggle a little, your heart ready to rip out of your chest.

“Morning,” you return, your own smile echoing his.

His eyes wander your face before trailing down your body, and that’s when you realize the blankets are pooled around your waist.  You flush all the way down your neck at being exposed and quickly reach for the sheet to pull it up to your chin. Loki takes your hand before you can and nuzzles his nose deep in your hair.

“Stop that,” he whispers, dipping his head down to place a kiss on your neck.  “You’re gorgeous.”

And with that, he rolls over so he’s on top of you, his forearms holding his weight as he kisses you deeply.  You sigh and pull away, covering your mouth with your hand. He raises an eyebrow at you in confusion.

“I think I have morning breath.”

“I think I don’t care, love.”

Loki gently moves your hand and leans down to place lips on yours once again.  You happily kiss him back, wrapping your arms around his neck. Slowly and lazily he makes love to you, gentle sighs and quiet moans as he moves his hips against your raised ones, kisses sloppy.  When he rolls off you again, he pulls you flush against his chest and smiles. You’re sore from last night and now this morning, but it’s worth every bit of it you decide. You lay like this for a while, Loki’s fingers running through your hair and your hands pressed against his cool skin.  Your eyes drift shut in contentment.

“I think we did this backwards,” Loki comments nonchalantly after a few moments, and you crack an eye open.  He lifts one of your hands and kisses your fingertips.

You open your eyes all the way and he looks at you in contemplation. 

“What do you mean wrong?” 

“Isn’t it a Midgardian tradition that you usually go out before you share a bed?”

“Share a bed,” you snort but then catch the seriousness in his face and your heart sinks a little.  “Loki...please don’t tell me you’re regretting last night. I-I-”

“Of course not!  I thoroughly enjoyed last night, more than you know, ” Loki quickly replies, holding your hand to his heart and kissing you deeply before pulling away.  “I just...I should have asked you out first.”

“Since when do you play by tradition, Chaos?” you ask with a shy grin.

“Since I met you.”

His words cause you to pause.  You tilt your head and place a kiss on his lips, something warm running through you, at the thought that you’re the one the God of Mischief wants to play by the rules with.  He kisses you back for a moment before pulling away.

“Well,” you tell him slowly.  “You can ask me out now?”

Loki smiles at you, eyes glittering.  He sits up on one arm, his head on his hand.

“Y/N, would you do me the honor of joining me for dinner?”

You laugh lightly at how formal he makes it sound and he smirks in return.

“Dinner sounds wonderful.”

 

***************************************

 

“So are you guys finally a thing now?”

Tony smirks across the kitchen as he watches you and Loki come into the room holding hands.  You flush but Loki sends him a death glare. Tony isn’t phased at all and keeps talking.

“I never thought you were going to get it together, what with Reindeer Games being, well, Reindeer Games,” he continues as he pours another cup of coffee.  If you had to guess, knowing him as you do, you suspect it’s not his second cup.

Nat and Clint enter the room and Clint immediately sits on the counter, swinging his feet.  He looks at you and Loki; Nat gives you a smile before turning to him.

“Pay up Barton,” she says, deadpanned and holds out her hand.  Clint sighs and reaches into his pocket and places a few bills into the offered hand.

“You were placing bets on us?” you ask, incredulous.  “That’s ridiculous.”

“We all knew it was going to happen, we were just betting at how long it would take,” Tony offers.  “Rogers owes me $20, where is he?”

“Aw man, you guys couldn’t have waited two more days?” a tired Cap says as he enters the room.

“Why is this happening,” you mumble into your cereal.  Loki runs a soothing hand through your hair and smiles at you.

“It’s because they have nothing better to do, love,” he tells you quietly.  “It will pass.”

“I ship it,” Tony announces loudly.  “They need a ship name. What do you think Nat?”

“I think you’re going a little far with that, Stark.  Can’t you just let them be?”

You flash Nat a smile of appreciation, which she returns.

“What’s a ship?” Cap asks curiously.  Nat leans over and whispers in his ear, and he nods once.  “What about Frost Princess?” 

“Oooh, good one, Capsicle,” Tony says with a nod of his head.

The more you hear, the pinker you turn and Loki rolls his eyes at Tony.

“What about you and your lady, Stark?  Shall we have a ship name for you too? Maybe the Beauty and the Beast?”

Tony gives a sassy grin.

“Joke’s on you, Reindeer Games, we’re both beautiful.”

Loki rolls his whole head.  You let out a small laugh and try to finish your cereal.  Eventually everyone leaves the kitchen and you decide to follow Nat, as you need a girl to girl moment about what happened.  As you head out, Thor appears and grabs his brother in a huge embrace.

“Thor, what in Odin’s name are you-”

“I am so happy for you brother!  This is glorious news indeed!” Thor booms and Loki sends you a look of desperation from Thor’s arms.  You laugh and continue walking away while Thor beams like the sun, golden face radiant as he eventually releases Loki.

“I knew Lady Y/N would be good for you,” he hear him say, clapping Loki on his shoulder.  Loki shrugs him off with a glare. “But if you hurt her,” Thor continues, his voice now serious.  “I will have to protect her.”

“Yes, yes, now go away Thor.” Loki says, his voice quieter and quieter as you head to the elevator, and soon you can’t hear them anymore.

 

******************

Finding Nat isn’t too difficult.  It’s almost as if she’s waiting for you, a gleam in her eye.  You grin at her and she lifts a hand for a high five.

“So, tell me everything,” she says nearly immediately, making you laugh.

“I thought you knew everything that goes on here,” you tell her with a grin.

She grins back.

“Maybe I do, maybe I don’t.  Tell me anyway.”

“Well…you probably already know this but...” you start, and proceed to fill her in on the details.  When you’re done, she’s smirking.

“And he wants to take me to dinner tonight,” you tell her.  “And I’m really excited…”

“But?” Nat prompts.

“I don’t have anything really nice to wear.”

Nat grins at you.

“That won’t be a problem at all,” she tells you and grabs you by the arm.  “C’mon, we’re going to the mall, Stark’s treat.”

“Does Tony even know about this?” you ask as you walk with her to the elevator and down to the parking lot.

“Oh, it’ll be fine,” Nat tells you.  “I already told JARVIS and Stark just approved.”

You hop into the car and head to the mall.  You haven’t been here in a long time - shopping really isn’t your thing.  You’re nervous that this isn’t going to work, but once you get inside, your tension melts.  Nat has a great eye for color and fit, and after trying on the first few dresses she picks for you, you start to get the hang of it.  In the end, you leave with several new dresses, a few pairs of nice shoes - heels and flats - , and some new lingerie with you only arguing over the underwear she suggested and you inevitably bought.  You even stop for lunch at a nice cafe; girls day out is something you didn’t realize you needed until you got it.

When you get inside the tower again, there’s no sign of Loki.  You suspect he’s probably in the library. Normally you would go look for him, but not today.  Instead, you thank Tony for footing your shopping trip, which he waves off with a grin before heading to your room.  A note waits for you on your bedside table.

_ I’ll come get you at seven. _

_ ~Loki _

You can’t stop the smile on your face as you start to get ready for tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, my lovelies!  
> See you at the next chapter!  
> ~Birdie


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! I know I haven't updated in forever, and I do apologize for it. Things have been crazy in my world lately, and I truly don't expect it to slow down any time soon. However, I do promise that even if I take months to update, I will not forget this fic. There is so much I want to write in it. Thank you so much for your patience!  
> I hope you enjoy this chapter!  
> ~Birdie

You wait nervously in your bedroom as you cast a glance at your alarm clock.  It’s ten to seven and your whole body feels like it’s been electrocuted; that’s how nervous you are.  You stand in front of your bathroom mirror again. The dress you’re wearing is fairly simple. A green sundress with straps that comes to your knees.  A pair of gold pumps completes the look. You even did your hair, the long tendrils curled and your bangs swept casually to the side. Casual but classy at the same time is the look you are aiming for.

A know on the door keeps you from worrying any longer.  You open it, and there he stands, all six foot two of him, dressed in black jeans and a white button down, hair around his shoulders.  Loki smiles at you, giving you a once over. You blush a little.

“Darling, you look amazing.”

You smile back at him.

“You don’t look so bad yourself,” you tease a little.  Loki just grins, eyes alight.

He offers you his arm and you two head out into the twilight of New York.  As you walk, you talk of little things here and there, how your garden is doing, how you’re mastering more complex healing potions and have started to advance into potions that can be used as weapons when thrown, how his last mission went and how Thor is starting to not drive him as crazy as he used to.  

But don’t tell Thor that.

When you reach your favorite cafe, you can’t wipe the smile off your face.  It’s so nice being out with Loki and having his attention through the busy city.  You aren’t even sure what you ate for dinner, but just how many times he makes you laugh and your discussion on books.  (He’s finally reading the Lord of the Rings, much to your delight.)

After dinner, he takes you to a park near a lake.  As you sit on the bench, the moon slowly rises, casting it’s glow on the water.  You reach over and take Loki’s hand. He gives it a squeeze, then lets go of it to wrap his arm around your shoulders and pull you closer to him.  You sigh happily, letting the silence carry on around you. After a moment, you pull back. Loki turns his head and looks at you, green eyes soft.

“I’ve been thinking,” you say quietly.  “And I think I need to go see my mother for a bit.  My magic is starting to...become a struggle again. I noticed it when I was on my broom; it wasn’t as easy as it normally is.  I think some time away to regroup might be helpful. With all the stress of Hydra…”

“I wish you had told me sooner, love,” Loki tells you, running fingers through strands of your hair.  “I had no idea your magic is becoming weaker.”

You sigh.

“I didn’t want to worry you.  I know I should have said something sooner, but I thought I could manage it.  I’m not completely helpless though. I can still ride, it’s just not as smooth.”

“I’d rather you didn’t,” Loki says, worry in his voice.  “I don’t know what I would do if you got hurt.”

“Loki.”  You run your fingers over his pale cheek.  He turns his head and kisses your palm. “I am not fragile.  I will be okay. Promise me you won’t tell the team?”

“But if they don’t know and you go into a mission while weak…”

“Promise me.”

Loki sighs heavily.

“I can’t make promises.  If it comes up, I will say something.  But I won’t go out of my way to bring it up.  How about that?”

You realize this is probably the best answer you’re going to get, and nod your head.  It’s better than nothing. An idea hits you.

“Come with me, meet my mom.  I know she’ll love you.”

Loki cups your face, then leans in and kisses you tenderly, deeply.  When he pulls back, nothing but gentleness and love is in his eyes. You’re breathless and can’t look away.

“I would love to,” he whispers in your ear.  “When do you want to go?”

“Soon, I think.  Oh Loki, mom has a garden that’s twice the size of mine, you’ll love it,” you become more and more excited as you talk.  “And she has a cat, a big fat orange striped one that follows her everywhere, and-”

He cuts you off and kisses you again, deep and hungry, his hands moving to your neck, one grabbing the back of your head.  He tilts your face for a better angle, and when you finally pull away, both of you are panting. He holds you close in the moonlight.

“It sounds wonderful love.”

 

************************************

 

A week later, you wake up in Loki’s room (you’ve stopped sleeping in yours - it’s nice waking up wrapped in the arms of your boyfriend) and something feels off.  You can’t tell what it is, but as you stand up, something feels...wrong. Is it the flu, you wonder. You know Bruce had a case of it a few days ago. But it doesn’t feel like you have a fever.  You shower, in hopes that it’ll make you feel better, and it does. Things still feel off as you eat breakfast at the table downstairs, but you decide it’s nothing life threatening. 

Loki comes and joins you, placing a kiss on the top of your head.

“Are you alright, love?  You look a little pale.”

“Fine,” you tell him with a smile.  “I think maybe I just didn’t sleep well enough last night.  Nothing to worry about.”

He looks like he’s going to say something but the alarm goes off and Cap comes in, pulling his suit on, Nat on his heels.

“Sorry to break up breakfast,” he says almost apologetically.  “But I need you both to suit up. We’ve got a mission.”

Loki starts to open his mouth, and you know he’s going to tell Cap about your magic being weak, so you quickly say “Sounds good” effectively cutting Loki off.  But it doesn’t work as well as you’d like, and your boyfriend grabs your arm, pulling you into the other room.

“We both know that in your state, going on this mission could be bad for you,” Loki says through gritted teeth.  “You can’t go.”

“I am a grown woman, you know, and I can make my own decisions.  And I am not going to sit out when my help is needed,” you reply.  “It may be weaker, but it still works. I can’t still help. I’m not useless.”

Loki sighs and his features soften.  

“I never said you were, little alchemist,” he tells you.  “I just...I don’t want you to get hurt.”

You see the worry in his eyes, and cup his cheek.

“I know,” you tell him quietly.  “But you have to trust me. Everything happens for a reason.  Maybe this is my time to put all that training you and Nat taught me to use.”

Loki realizes you’re not going to give in, so he nods.  He kisses your forehead, cheeks, lips, and you can feel his magic flow into you.  You smile.

“Be safe out there,” he whispers. 

“I will.”

Everyone hops in the jet and heads off.  You’re nervous and you can’t explain why, and decide to write it off as battle anxiety.  Though if you’re being honest with yourself, you know that’s not wrong.

The battle outside Times Square is harder than you expected.  You’re fighting a group of angry mutants. There aren’t more than five or six of them, but their powers are nothing to take lightly.  You circle above, watching carefully and dodging. Your broom is shaky, and you’re having trouble handling it, but you can still do this.  When you see a shot heading for Nat, you cast one of your protection shields around her. It holds just enough for the shot to hit it, then shatters like broken glass.

Which isn’t supposed to happen.

And that’s when it clicks.  The feeling of something being off this morning?  

It was your magic.  

You’re losing your magic.

You decide to test this by aiming at a mutant and trying to fire an energy ball.  Sparks come from your fingers but nothing else. That does nothing to stop the mutant from shooting at you; you do your best to dodge.  Your broom moves just in time, but suddenly it stops, completely frozen in mid air. For a moment it seems like everything freezes around you.  Then suddenly you’re in free fall.

_ This is it.  This is how it all ends. _

You realize you’re crying as you fall.  You feel Loki’s magic in your system slowing down the fall, but it isn’t enough.  The ground still comes at you and suddenly you’re looking at the sky, alive but slowly passing out.  You see Loki running towards you out of the corner of your eye before his face is above yours, torn with worry and...fear?  Loki isn’t really afraid of anything. That can’t be right.

You’re dizzy and your eyes begin to close.  Before everything goes completely black, you hear that voice you love so much.

“Stay with me, Y/N.  I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all, thanks for reading!  
> I'll see you at the next chapter!  
> ~Birdie


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi Dear Readers!  
> Man, I haven't updated this since November. That's insane! My life has been nuts, but I promise I have not forgotten you. I will see this fic to the end, come hell or high water lol. I hope all of you had a nice holiday season, and that winter (or summer, depending on where you're at) has been treating you well.  
> Now, onward to the chapter!  
> ~Birdie

Loki watches you as you lay in the medical wing of the tower.  The room is sterile, the scent of antiseptic stinging his nose, the walls too white and the fluorescent light blinding.  You look like hell - face bruised and right arm wrapped in a cast. They had taken a few of your potions and shoved them down your throat at the scene where you fell, but they had all been lesser healing potions and there was too much damage for them to heal you completely.  So far you’d been lucky; the doctors had assessed and there had been no internal damage, not broken bones in your spine. Of course, that might have been helped some by your magical potions and the bit of magic he had imbued in you before the fight.

Loki holds your left hand in both of his, his long fingers wrapped around yours.  In his mind, he can still see it. He can see you falter, hear the small cry that left your lips.  He sees you fall, helpless to do anything, racing to you as you hit the ground with a sickening thud.  He should have made you stay at the tower, should have stopped you from coming, should have -

The steady beeps from the monitors hooked up to you break his cycle of thoughts, grounding him, reminding him you’re very much still alive.  He lets out a shuddering sigh. And then, of course, there are the words he uttered when he thought he was going to lose you. The quietly spoken “I love you” that he isn’t sure if he wants you to remember or not.  He lets out a breathless laugh, short and disbelieving. Was it too soon to have said it? After all, it had only been a week or two after your first kiss, your first date. But something inside of him recognizes the truth of the words.  How long has he felt this way?

It wasn’t at first meeting, though Loki had to admit that he was fascinated by you when he first saw you.  There was intrigue about finding someone so shy yet so powerful, without even knowing it. Maybe it started when he started helping you with your powers.  There was something about your trust in him, the way you let him help you. When he saw the raw fear in your eyes, felt it in your energy, something akin to sympathy and understanding had flooded his being and his heart had lept for you, knowing full well what it was like to be afraid of yourself.  That was when it started, he decides. But he knew it, knew that he loved you, when he saw you fly for the first time. The fear he had felt for you, that something would happen to you and that he would lose you, was something completely new for him. And once he held you in his arms afterwards - well, it was as if peace had entered his world.

And now he watches as you lay lifeless on a narrow bed, IVs hooked up to you, hurt because he wasn’t fast enough, wasn’t paying enough attention.  He strokes the back of your hand and lays his head on the side of the bed, the steading beeping of the monitors the only thing to break the silence.

 

****************************

You open your eyes slowly.  Why are they so heavy, you wonder to yourself as you become aware of the things around you.  What is that beeping sound? As you finally peel your eyes open, the bright glare of the fluorescent light above you makes you cringe, a steady throbbing in your head protesting and begging you to close your eyes again.  You blink a few times and turn your head, attempting to raise your hand to wipe your face only to have minimal movement - a cast. Nice. There’s an IV in your other arm, and something smooth and cool wrapped around your hand.  You look down and see Loki, holding your hand with long fingers as he dozes in the hard plastic chair next to the bed. There are dark circles under his eyes and you wonder how long he’s been there. How long he’s been there? More like, how long have you been here?  You try to sit up and your back protests, a throbbing in your head suddenly spiking, making your vision swim for a moment.

“Ow,” you mumble as you lay back down.

Almost instantly, Loki awakes and is out of his chair to stand by you.  The visible look of relief that washes over his face is almost too much, and you decide this is probably not a good thing - he wouldn’t be this concerned if you had only been here a few hours.  He keeps a hold of your hand with one of his and uses his other hand to brush hair away from your face, fingers ghosting over your cheek.

“Glad to see you awake, darling,” he says quietly, eyes soft.  You give him a small smile.

“Something tells me I’ve been here a while,” you say just as quietly, and Loki gives a small nod.

“You’ve been asleep for two days,” Loki tells you and you blanch.  Two days? “Do you remember what happened?”

You think through the haze of painkillers and try to focus.  You were flying when your broom bucked and fell, with you on it.  There was fear and the sinking feeling of helplessness until you hit the ground.

“I fell,” you answer dumbly.  “That’s never happened before, I never fall while flying.”

“It’s because your magic faltered,” Loki tells you.  “I shouldn’t have let you go, you were in no shape to take on a mission with your magic flickering the way it was…”

“Shush,” you cut him off, moving the arm wrapped in the cast as best you can to place fingers on his cool lips.  “Without your magic, I might not have survived. So really, you saved me.”

Loki frowns.  

“If I had taken care of you before and talked to the team the way I wanted to, you wouldn’t have needed saving.”

You sigh.

“It’s my fault for being stubborn,” you tell him sincerely.  “I have no one to blame but myself, so stop it.”

He opens his mouth to respond, but something strikes you in that moment and you speak before he can.

“When was the last time you slept?” you ask as your fingers gently trace the bags under his eyes.

“It’s been a while.  Asgardians need less sleep that mortals, darling, don’t worry about it.”

You want to protest and tell him to go to his room and sleep, knowing full well he won’t, but something much more pressing is on your mind.

“You said you loved me.”  Your voice is almost filled with awe.

For a moment, Loki is rendered speechless.  A small dusting of pink graces his pale cheekbones and he opens and closes his mouth wordlessly for a moment.  At last, he speaks.

“Is that a problem?”

“No,” you answer after a heartbeat.  Something warm bubbles inside you and you can’t hide your grin.  “Because I love you too. I hope that’s okay.”

“More than okay,” Loki murmurs as he leans down and presses cool lips against your soft ones.  You sigh happily.

The moment is broken as the rest of the Avengers enter the room, led by Tony.  Loki pulls away quickly. Tony grins at you and you blush a little.

“Hey kiddo, JARVIS said you had woken up.  How are you feeling?”

“Sore,” you tell him as Loki lets go of your hand and steps back from the bed, quietly excusing himself as the others file around you.  “My head is killing me.”

“You’ve got one nasty concussion,” Steve tells you with a head nod.  “I wish you had told us that your magic was flickering, I wouldn’t have let you on the mission.”

You sigh again.  How many times are you going to have this conversation with everyone?

“I’m stubborn, remember?”

And with that, conversation flows around you.  There is some laughter, and moments of quiet, and everyone signs your cast.  You think for a moment that you’ll have to get Loki to sign it later, but glancing down you see his elegant script across the top of it.  When did he do that?

 Eventually everything dies down.

“Is your mojo still gone?” Tony asks, and you frown.  You reach into your reserves and feel around for it the way Loki taught you, but there is nothing there.  You hold a hand up, but nothing happens.

“Yeah,” you say, your eyes filling with tears.  As quick as your magic had come on, it was gone just as fast.  You feel a hollowness in your chest.

Nat places a hand on your shoulder.

“It’ll be okay, kid.  It’ll come back.”

You nod.  Steve looks concerned.

“Whatever you need from us, you’ve got it,” he tells you gently.

“She needs to rest,” a velvety voice tells the room.  You hadn’t even noticed Loki coming back into the room.

“Reindeer Games is right, the girl needs her sleep,” Tony says in agreement.  “Do you need anything else, kiddo?”

You nod and swallow.

“I need to go see my mom.  She’ll know what to do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew, that was a lot. What will happen when Reader goes to see her mom? We'll find out!  
> See you at the next chapter!  
> ~Birdie


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello dear Readers!  
> Here we have our next installment! I am not 100% happy with this chapter but I feel like if I fidget with it anymore, I'll drive myself insane. So here it is! Also, heads up, there is vague smut at the end of this chapter - it's not super graphic as I didn't feel like writing a full detailed scene, but it's there nonetheless.  
> Enjoy!  
> ~Birdie

Loki hasn’t left your side since you left the medical floor essentially.  His hand is always on you - holding yours, on your shoulder, playing with your hair.  It’s almost like he’s reassuring himself that you’re alive and here. You don’t really mind, using his attentions to ground you while you sort out what has to happen next.  You give it a day or two after leaving the sterile white room to see if maybe by some miracle your magic comes back.

Nothing.  Absolutely nothing.

You don’t know how to explain it to everyone in the tower, as something like this has never happened before.  The team gives you reassurances that it’ll be okay and that you’re still part of the team even without your powers.  After all, you can still make amazing potions and, as Cap points out, you’re part of the family now. 

“Family looks out for family,” he tells you one night with a nod and a clap on your shoulder while you get a glass of water from the kitchen.  “What was it the people said in that movie you made us watch last month said? The one with the weird little creature that takes place in Hawaii.”

“Lilo and Stitch?” you offer helpfully.

“That one.  ‘Family means nobody gets left behind.’  We’re not leaving you behind.”

You smile at him gratefully while also amused at his use of pop culture.  He’s still catching on, but you’re really touched that he took that message to heart.  

“Yeah kid, you’re stuck with us,” Clint adds as he walks into the kitchen to grab a banana.  “Sorry bout that.”

You just laugh. Maybe, just maybe, it’s going to be okay.  At least, that’s what you tell yourself.

 

*******************************

 

You can’t stop the dropping sensation in your chest as you try one last time with your powers.  It’s been a week and you still haven’t called your mom; even though you’re close, you’re more ashamed than you’ve let on at losing one of the key things that makes you, well, you.  You stand among your rooftop garden at dusk, your broom in your hand. You’re in a jacket - summer is nearly over, the end of the September sun on the edge of everything. You know better than to jump off the side of the building - truthfully your fall is still at the back of your head and the mere thought of it sends shivers down your spine.  

You will not be afraid of flying.  You refuse to.

You take a deep breath and mount your broom.  You tap deep into yourself and imagine yourself floating off the ground.  Your broom shakes under you and you manage to get an inch or two off the ground.  You allow hope for a brief second...before the broom drops you again. You dismount and look at it, the oak wood in your hands somehow still in tack from the fall, the once neatly trimmed straw at the back now singed from your battle and sticking out in various places.  You need to clean it up. With a small sob, you toss it aside and sit down between the basil and marigolds. You will yourself not to cry and instead look up at the darkening sky, your knees to your chest.

“You’re pushing yourself too hard.”

The velvety voice washes over you and you look up in time to see Loki walking over.  He sits down next to you and wraps an arm around you. On instinct you lay your head on his shoulder; he presses a gentle kiss to your hair.  Taking a deep breath, you inhale his scent of balsam and cinnamon, the richness of him.

“If I don’t keep trying, then I’ll never get it back,” you whisper.  “I’m...I think I’m broken. What if...what if I never get it back? Will everyone think less of me?”

“Look at me,” Loki commands, his voice firm but still loving.  When you don’t, he tilts your face until you’re looking into his eyes.  “You are not broken. Magic does not define you. It does not dictate who you are or what you do.  It is part of you, there’s no doubt about it, but it’s not all of you. No one should think any less of you for this.  I don’t. To me, you are still my beautiful Y/N, my alchemist. Do you understand?”

Loki’s words sink in and you nod in understanding.  A small wave of relief washes through you. He doesn’t think differently of you for losing this gift of yours.  That means so much to you, it hits you like a wave crashing over you - you had no idea how much you needed to hear that.  Loki moves his hands and cups your face. His thumbs stroke your cheeks. Something heavy lies in the air, and after a moment or two of silence, Loki speaks again.

“When I saw you fall, I was so afraid,” he whispers, his eyes becoming haunted.  “I thought I had lost you. You were so broken on the ground…”

“Shh,” you tell him, placing a finger on his lips; you thought you had covered everything while in the medical wing, but apparently not.  You will the memories of falling and hitting the ground to vanish to the back of your mind. “I’m alive. And I’m here.”

Loki kisses your finger then reaches with one hand to take your hand in his, his other still cradling your face.  A breeze blows, cool, a hint at fall approaching quickly and soon. The smells of the garden - floral and sweet, a symphony of herbs and flowers - wash over the both of you.

“I was so afraid I was never going to kiss you again, hold you in my arms, hear your laugh,” Loki continues, his voice still low and quiet.  His hand moves to the back of your head, fingers knotting in your long hair.

“But I’m here,” you tell him, voice equally quiet.  “When I fell...you saved me, you know? I would have died if it wasn’t for your magic.  I was so afraid when I fell, you were the only thing I could think of.”

Loki shudders and you tuck some of his inky hair behind his ear, letting your fingers dance over his cheekbones and down his jaw.  He turns into your hand and kisses your palm, eyes closing for a moment.

“All I want is to hold you,” he tells you, opening his eyes, full of love this time, the kind that makes you go weak in the knees and your heart thuds loudly in your chest.  “Please.”

“Then hold me,” you tell him, and he leans in to press his lips to yours.

The kiss starts sweet and gentle, Loki tugging you closer and closer until you’re straddling his lap.  He soon licks along your bottom lip, asking for entrance, and you open your mouth to him. Your tongues dance together and with a small moan, Loki pulls away, both of you breathless.  He kisses your nose, your cheeks, your forehead. You sigh and lean into his touch.

Loki takes this as all the invitation he needs and starts kissing your mouth again, his lips wandering down to suck at your neck, making you moan.  You thread your fingers through his hair as he hands start to wander - through your hair, down your back, across your arms- until they reach the zipper of your hoodie.  He pulls back and watches you as he unzips it and slides it off you, revealing a tee below it. You can’t help yourself; you lean in and kiss him again, deep and long.

Loki turns you, somehow not breaking the kiss, and lays you on your back against the roof, warm still from soaking up all the sun earlier in the day.  His lips move to your collar bones, moving your tee shirt out of the way so he can leave little marks across you that won’t be seen. His hands start to wander again, this time moving under the hem of your shirt and tugging it up; answering his question, you sit up and lift your arms, allowing him to slide it over your head and toss it unceremoniously on the ground.

It continues like this until you both are laying together, naked, his body on top of yours as he rolls his hips.  This is different than last time. There is a desperation in the act, as he kisses you fiercely, setting a pace that you eagerly meet, hard and fast and needy.  His mouth once again wanders down your chest, his hips never stopping their desperate pace, your hands tangled in his dark hair. Little moans keep falling from your lips, growls against your skin answering them, and when Loki moves his hand between the two of you to play with you while fucking you, you can’t stop the cry that escapes you.  When you fall over the edge, white hot and overwhelming, he follows you quickly, spilling over with a cry, his face buried in your shoulder, the first of several times this night.

As you lay together after, exhausted, his arms around you, you remember how loved you are.  Loki isn’t letting you go anywhere. And you are grateful for that. The first streaks of dawn are floating over the city, orange and red and pink.  You sigh. Loki kisses your hair and face and neck.

“What are you thinking, love?” he asks as you start to sit up.

“I think it’s time to get dressed,” you tell him with a small grin.  Then you turn somber. “And I think it’s finally time I call my mom.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Readers!  
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I've got the next few planned out so I should be back on a semi regular updating schedule for a while.  
> Also, I hate asking for this, but feedback would be amazing and appreciated. It helps keeps me going and it's always nice to hear what you guys are thinking!  
> See you at the next chapter!  
> ~Birdie


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Readers!  
> I know it has been ages, and I appreciate your patience as I slowly update this story.  
> This chapter is a little slower, but I hope you enjoy it!  
> ~Birdie

The trip back home was an easy one, or at least as easy as it could be.  The flight in the quinjet was mostly uneventful, but you could easily tell that Loki had been nervous the entire time.  He kept picking at his nails until you finally had had enough and took his hand in yours, lacing your fingers through his long ones. He had smiled at you gratefully and the rest of the flight passed fairly easily.  Landing was definitely a relief though. From the landing zone, a black car picked you up and drove you to the front of your old home.

“Well,” you tell Loki once you’re standing on the sidewalk in front of your childhood home.  It’s a small house with faded white siding, a wrought iron fence around the yard. The backyard is small as well, dusty and dry with patches of grass.  “This is it. Trust me, there’s more than meets the eye.”

Loki side eyes you as if he does not believe you at all, even though he’s a magic user and of all people should believe in the unexpected. 

“This does not look like the magnificent garden you’re always talking about.”

“Like I said,” you say, taking his hand and walking up the walkway.  “More than meets the eye. Mom may be able to control water and fire, but she is first and foremost a hedge witch.  You’ll see.”  
You ring the doorbell and wait less than thirty seconds before the door swings open.

“Y/N!”

The slender woman at the door wraps her arms around you and you breathe deep the scent of rose water and earth.  Her long dark hair mirrors yours, and her eyes hold mischief as she pulls back. Loki shifts nervously from foot to foot, subtle enough for most people to miss, but you see it; after spending so much time together, you can easily recognize his nervous ticks.  Your mother smiles at him.

“And you must be Loki.  I have to say, you look different than when you were on TV a few years ago.”

Loki flushes a little, the reminder of his past hitting him in the gut, but before he can say anything, your mom has him wrapped in a bear hug.

“Redemption looks good on you,” she says with a kind smile and Loki hesitantly smiles back, realizing it as the compliment that it is.  

“Thank you, Ms. Y/L/N,” Loki says with humility that is still unusual for him.  You squeeze his hand. 

“Call me Betty,” your mom says warmly.  “But enough just standing around. Come in, there is much to talk about.”

You tug Loki’s hand and lead him inside.  His eyes open wide.

The inside of the home is huge.  There’s a spiral staircase leading to an upstairs even though the outside of the house is ranch style.  Carpets of intricate design lay on the floor and bookcases line the walls. There’s a flat screen television in the living room, along with a plush couch and a few comfy chairs by a fireplace, a coffee table in the middle.  You let Loki take it all in, the bobbins and whatchamacallits and everything else that is your home before leading him to the back yard.

“I told you it was more than what it seemed,” you tell him with a small laugh.  “But this is the best part.”

You pull the sliding glass door open and step into what could only be described as a miniature forest.  There are trees and a pathway leading a great distance beyond what the outside fenced area could have been.  Lining the walkway are herbs and flowers of multiple colors, the scents mingling together.

“How is this…” Loki trails off, touching one of the basil plants.

“Mom’s a hedge witch,” you say with a shrug.  “I don’t fully know how she did it either, but here we are.  I think it opens in another dimension because I know the path goes on and on and on.  There’s a field further out I used to play in as a kid. But this is it. This is what I called home before the Avengers found me.”

Loki lets you guide him back inside, with the promise to explore the backyard after catching up with your mom.  Just as you’re sitting down, Betty shows up again with a pitcher of cucumber water and a few glasses. You take yours gratefully and smile at her as she settles across from you.  A subtle ache fills your chest as you realize how much you’ve missed this place, being with your mom and all the things you grew up with. You now consider the Avengers family and the tower home, and you feel almost conflicted.  

“So,” your mom says after taking a long sip of her water.  “I know you’ve been up to so much, tell me all about it.”

And so you do.  You spend the afternoon regaling her with tales of the various missions you’ve been on, the habits of everyone in the tower, that one coffee shop down the street that you adore.  Loki chimes in every now and then, offering commentary that makes your mom laugh, telling the stories of how you had your ass handed to you a few times and the one times you threw Captain America on the floor.  Finally, you bring up your magic and how you had managed to handle it before-

“It’s just...gone, mom,” you say, staring at the floor as if in shame.  Loki wraps his arm around you and plays with your hair; it’s always comforting having that physical touch, and you take a deep breath.  “I don’t know what to do.”

“Look at me, Y/N, this is nothing to be ashamed of,” Betty tells you softly while Loki gently rubs circles on your back.  “You’re still so young, things like this can happen.”

“So what do I do?” you ask, worry in your voice.  She smiles at you kindly.

“You get back to your roots.”

“Back to my roots?”

Your mother nods and Loki pauses his hand.

“I think what she may be telling you love is that you need to rest here for a while,” he tells you quietly.  You look at him and he’s smiling at you gently. You turn back and find your mother nodding.

“So...just hang out here?  How is that going to help?”

“Sometimes, you just need a break,” Betty says.  “The gardens can help, you know. Maybe you can find that piece of you that you need to get back to your powers.  You never know what you’re missing until you find it, after all.”

You can’t really argue with that.  Just as Betty is about to get up, you take a deep breath.

“There’s one other thing, mom.  Hydra, this organization that does awful stuff….they’re after me.  They say...I’m special.”

Worry flashes across your mother’s features before understanding settles in.  She heaves a sigh.

“I was worried this would happen,” she says, more to herself than anything.  You and Loki exchange a look.

“Why?  What do you know about Hydra, mom?” you ask, a knot forming deep in your stomach.

“I know enough to know why they want you,” she tells you very quietly.  Goosebumps run across your arms even though it’s a comfortable temperature.

“Why?” you whisper.  It’s so quiet you could feel your ears begin to ring.

Your mother locks eyes with you.

“Because your father is one of them.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Readers!  
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter!   
> I do have a bit of an announcement: I am doing a thing called Camp NaNoWriMo for the month of April. NaNoWriMo stands for National Novel Writing Month and typically takes place in November where you spend the month trying to write a 50,000 word story. I always try and I always fail at it, lol.   
> Camp NaNoWriMo is in April (which starts tomorrow) and you get to set your word count: I'm aiming for a 20,000 word story.  
> So all of this is to say, I'm probably not going to be updating in the next month, but I will come back to it after my venture is complete.  
> Thank you again for your patience and I will see you all soon!  
> ~Birdie


End file.
